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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below gives information about salaries of secondary/high school teachers in five countries in 2009. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about salaries of secondary/high school teachers in five countries in 2009. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table gives information about changes in salaries of secondary and high school teachers in
Australia
Use synonyms
,
Denmark
Use synonyms
,
Luxembourg
Use synonyms
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Korea
Use synonyms
 in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, the greatest
increase
Use synonyms
 could be seen in
Luxembourg
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
Denmark
Use synonyms
 and
Australia
Use synonyms
 showed the lowest
increase
Use synonyms
.
A
Correct article usage
The
show examples
 country with the highest salary is
Luxembourg
Use synonyms
 and the lowest is
Australia
Use synonyms
.
Australia
Use synonyms
 and
Denmark
Use synonyms
 showed the fastest growth in wages from entry-level to peak just in 8-9
years
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
Luxembourg
Use synonyms
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Korea
Use synonyms
 took more than 30
years
Use synonyms
 to reach the maximum.
However
Linking Words
, wage growth in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and
Denmark
Use synonyms
 stopped after 8-9
years
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 in
Luxembourg
Use synonyms
,
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Korea
Use synonyms
 wages continued d to grow even after 15
years
Use synonyms
. The biggest
increase
Use synonyms
 was in
Luxembourg
Use synonyms
 from 80.000 to 132.000.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the salary in
Japan
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 rises
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
 52.000 from 34.000 to 86.000. The smallest wage
increase
Use synonyms
 of 9.000 from 45.000 to 54.000 was in
Denmark
Use synonyms
. Salary in
Australia
Use synonyms
 increased by 20.000 from 28.000 to 48.000 and in
Korea
Use synonyms
 from 30.000 to 62.000.
Submitted by viktoriuos2002 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words australia, denmark, luxembourg, japan, korea, increase, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 5 times.
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