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Band 7.5

Although family is a great influence in any child's life, it is influence from outside the home that plays a bigger role in his or her development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#influence #child #life #home #role #development
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It is undeniable that parents have a huge impact on their own children's development, notwithstanding external effects are often regarded as having a more profound impact in shaping a child's life.
While
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 family provides the foundation of their own children's values and behaviours, there are many factors in which social media, peers and education play the main role in their
overall
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 personality and life skills.
This
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 essay agrees with
this
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 idea
due to
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 the reason of the pivotal contributions of families and examines how outside overshadows domestic support in many aspects of adolescents' growth.
To begin
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 with, Parents and siblings are the first key models for teenagers , especially in morality and emotion.
In other words
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, learning simple differences
as well as
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 choosing and comparing truth and false are
firstly
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 derived from father and mother. Research on Panda Kindergarten in Azerbaijan depicted that 78% of kiddies demonstrated a high level of self-confidence and were supported by their dads and moms.
On the other hand
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, internet platforms, schools and fellows affect kid's subconscious and cognitive intelligence. Particularly, there are many apps that pass negative habits and subliminal messages to kids who face mobbing in schools by their friends.
For instance
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, in 2015, Blue Whale , a game site, gave tasks to users that led to suicide acts in younger people. In conclusion,
although
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 a parent drives substantial improvement and guides the development of youngsters, environmental influences outweigh it in many areas
likewise
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 the educational career and mental thinking.
Although
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 family is a great influence in any child's life, it is influence from outside the home that plays a bigger role in his or her development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with
this
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 opinion?
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task response
Ensure all main points are supported with evidence and examples. Some arguments could be more fully developed to enhance clarity and depth.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a logical flow of ideas throughout the essay. Consider using more transition words to link ideas and arguments seamlessly.
task response
Further contrast between family influence and outside influence could be emphasized to strengthen task response.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively setting up and summarizing the argument.
supported main points
Good use of examples, such as the research on Panda Kindergarten and Blue Whale, to illustrate points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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