IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
**Modern
Communication
Use synonyms
Technology
Use synonyms
 and Its Impact on Social
Relationships
Use synonyms
** In the modern era,
communication
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 has transformed the way
people
Use synonyms
 interact. The advent of smartphones, social media, and instant messaging has made it easier to connect with others regardless of geographical distance.
However
Linking Words
, many believe that these advancements have had negative effects on social
relationships
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 modern
communication
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 has its advantages, its impact on social
interactions
Use synonyms
 has raised concerns about reduced face-to-face
communication
Use synonyms
, superficial
relationships
Use synonyms
, and decreased emotional
connections
Use synonyms
. One of the main negative effects of modern
communication
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 is the decline in face-to-face
interactions
Use synonyms
. With the convenience of texting and social media,
people
Use synonyms
 often choose to communicate online rather than
engaging
Wrong verb form
engage
show examples
 in direct conversations.
This
Linking Words
 shift has led to a reduction in essential social skills,
such
Linking Words
 as reading body language and expressing emotions effectively.
For instance
Linking Words
, a family may sit together in the same room but be engrossed in their devices rather than engaging in meaningful discussions. Another issue is the rise of superficial
relationships
Use synonyms
. Social media platforms allow individuals to have hundreds or even thousands of "friends," but these
connections
Use synonyms
 often lack depth.
People
Use synonyms
 may prioritize online validation,
such
Linking Words
 as likes and comments, over genuine personal
interactions
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, friendships and
relationships
Use synonyms
 become more about appearances rather than meaningful
connections
Use synonyms
. The ease of digital
communication
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 lead to misunderstandings, as text-based messages lack tone and context, sometimes causing unnecessary conflicts.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the overuse of
communication
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 can weaken emotional bonds.
While
Linking Words
 digital
communication
Use synonyms
 enables
people
Use synonyms
 to stay in touch, it often lacks the emotional depth of face-to-face conversations. Virtual
interactions
Use synonyms
 may not provide the same level of comfort and support as a physical presence.
For example
Linking Words
, sending a text message to console a friend is not as impactful as offering a hug or speaking to them in person. Over time, excessive reliance on
technology
Use synonyms
 can erode the emotional aspects of
relationships
Use synonyms
, making them feel less intimate.
However
Linking Words
, it is important to acknowledge the positive aspects of modern
communication
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
. It has enabled long-distance
relationships
Use synonyms
 to thrive, facilitated instant
communication
Use synonyms
 in emergencies, and provided platforms for social activism. For individuals who may struggle with in-person
interactions
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as introverts or those with social anxiety, digital
communication
Use synonyms
 can serve as a valuable tool for building
connections
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
 has its drawbacks, its benefits cannot be overlooked. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 modern
communication
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 has undoubtedly made
interactions
Use synonyms
 more convenient, it has
also
Linking Words
 led to negative consequences for social
relationships
Use synonyms
. The decline in face-to-face
communication
Use synonyms
, the rise of superficial
relationships
Use synonyms
, and the weakening of emotional bonds are significant concerns. To maintain meaningful
relationships
Use synonyms
, it is essential to strike a balance between digital and personal
interactions
Use synonyms
, ensuring that
technology
Use synonyms
 enhances rather than replaces real human
connections
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance, which sets the tone for the essay. However, try to rephrase your argument more strongly in the introduction to showcase your viewpoint better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, with each paragraph addressing a specific point. To enhance cohesion, consider using more linking phrases between sentences to improve the flow.
Task Achievement
You provide relevant examples, but adding one or two more specific examples, particularly in the section discussing emotional connections, would strengthen your argument further.
Content
You effectively highlight both the negative and positive aspects of modern communication technology, providing a balanced viewpoint.
Structure
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reinforces your position, providing clarity to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interactions
  • messaging apps
  • social media
  • non-verbal cues
  • family bonds
  • dependency
  • digital communication
  • superficial relationships
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • social isolation
  • virtual connections
  • emotional satisfaction
  • real-life interactions
  • technological intrusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: