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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. U

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. U
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions
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The line graph compares the number of the population living in cities ,for over 70 years increase how many people will live. It is obvious that the percentage of the population increased in each city during the period shown.
Overall
Linking Words
 most success was Malaysia and Indonesia. Despite Malaysia in first place Indonesia, relying on statistics, rapidly grew thereby overtaking the figure proportion of citizens Thailand and the Philippines had taken second place in the line. The rate of residents in Thailand
noticeable
Replace the word
has notably
show examples
 slowed since 1990 and ended 30 years ago exactly in 2020 after they gradually residents growth,in the Philippines percentage of the residents was normal before 1990.
However
Linking Words
,they surprisingly start to grow in the wrong direction decade by decade.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, that didn’t stop them from growing. Malaysia started growing enormously in 1990
moreover
Linking Words
 they still growing,
therefore
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
therefore
Rephrase
apply
show examples
 they
get
Verb problem
reached
show examples
 a peak in the end,
in addition
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
show examples
Indonesia can
proud
Add a missing verb
be proud
show examples
 of their population,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
also
Linking Words
get
Verb problem
reached
show examples
 a peak in the end.
Although
Linking Words
 Thailand on the
last
Linking Words
 place they sightly rose confidently,the Philippines
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 to increase gradually.
However
Linking Words
,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 rate started to fall slightly after 3 decades exactly in 2010 they got normal and
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 to grow as usual.
Submitted by ansa13 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, therefore".
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • Asian countries
  • living in cities
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • introduction
  • overview
  • trend
  • body paragraph
  • compare
  • predicted percentages
  • summarize
  • closing statement
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