IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many criminals commit further crime as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What effects will this have on society?

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It is a well-known fact that many criminals engage in more criminal activities after they get released from jail. In my personal opinion, there could be a myriad of reasons for the convicts to involve themselves in committing
such
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 crimes.
This
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 essay will discuss the main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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this
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 tendency and describe the possible effects of the problem.
Firstly
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, there are a plethora of reasons that encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
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offenders to commit crimes again. The predominant one may be unemployment, as
criminal
Correct article usage
a criminal
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 background drastically reduces employment opportunities. Most employers would refuse to recruit them
due to
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 their past offence records.
For example
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, in the United States, almost
three quarters
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three-quarters
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 of all ex-inmates turn to crime within five years of leaving
prison
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. Another significant cause of recidivism is the insufficient focus on rehabilitation within the
prison
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 system. Many prisons prioritize punishment over equipping inmates with skills that can help them reintegrate into
society
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.
As a result
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, without education, vocational training, or psychological support, inmates often leave
prison
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 with the same mindset and circumstances that
led
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lead
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 them to feel that a criminal life is their only option. Meanwhile, there are some effects of
this
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 phenomenon on
society
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.
In
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On
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 one hand. released ex-criminals make the whole
society
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 feel unsafe and
damages
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damage
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 their emotional well-being. It will be hard for citizens to accept former convicts in
society
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.
For instance
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,
last
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 year, after
fifteen-year
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a fifteen-year
the fifteen-year
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 statement in
prison
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,
criminal
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the criminal
a criminal
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had
Correct pronoun usage
who had
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 been convicted of kidnapping was released, and
this
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 made the whole town live in fear for their children's safety.
Furthermore
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, they might affect
society
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 badly and provide adverse effects on other communities too. Other public will be influenced by
such
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 activities.
As a result
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, the quantity of crime will certainly increase. In conclusion, lack of opportunities for employment and difficulty adapting to
society
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 lead to a higher percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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second convictions.
This
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 situation may make people afraid to take legislation and live in harmony.

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coherence cohesion
Consider providing a clearer distinction between 'causes' and 'effects' paragraphs by using transitions, headings, or topic sentences that clearly differentiate between the two.
task achievement
Ensure your conclusion summarizes the key points discussed and reflects the central argument more clearly.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or data to further support and illustrate your points.
task achievement
You've clearly identified unemployment and lack of rehabilitation as key factors contributing to recidivism.
task achievement
Good use of statistics enhances the credibility of your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the topic well.
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