Today, many people believe that celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

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In
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considerable

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conciderable
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considerable

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numbers of
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countries
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countries

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contries
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countries
, reputation
eople
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people

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receive
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receive

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recieve
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receive
higher wages tian older politicians
These
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This

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issue goes back to some reasons and in my
view
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view,

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it leads to some negative
approach
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approaches

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and development.
This
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essay will discuss and delve
some
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into some

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reasons
of
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for

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this
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statement. It can be seen that many countries pay more
money
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to their famous
people
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than others. There are some main reasons for
this
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.
Primarilv
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Primarily

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. they ponder that their culture and
their
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the

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art of
thier
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their

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country
goes
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go

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back to the effect of famous
people
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.
As a result
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,
government
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the government

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pay attention more to
pay
Wrong verb form
paying

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more
money
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to
celebrities
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and they try to keep them
satistied
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satisfied

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due to
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their presence
omn
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on

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televIsion
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television

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and social media.
Moreover
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, a faction of
people
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are
fan
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fans

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ot
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of

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some
celebrities
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, especially in the cinema, so, actors use it
ad
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and

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offer the highest wages to the
film maker
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film-maker

The word film maker seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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. They are forced to pay more
money
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to them for making films that
have
Verb problem
are

There may be a verb use issue here.

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popularity
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popular

The word popularity doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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among
people
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.
For instance
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. in
Hallywood
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Hollywood

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.
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There
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There

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thre
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thre,
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are some
celebrities
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that their
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whose

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salaries are
veerv
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very

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much. Most of the
people
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in
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each
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each

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eac
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EAC
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counties
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countries

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claim that
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

trend has a
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negative
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negative

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negatipe
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negative
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aspect
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aspect

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asspect
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effect
and improvement
Initially
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, some senior politicians have more knowledge and academic education, so,
the
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they

The word the doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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have to
recieve
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receive

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enough
money
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too. On the other
hands
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hand

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. government do not have to put
diffrences
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differences

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among
ordinatv
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ordinary

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people
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and
celebrities
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.
In addition
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.
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

pavment
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pavement

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leads to
ordinarv
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ordinary

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people
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are hated from
celebrities
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.
To sum up
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, paying attention more
from
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to

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government
Add an article
the government

The noun phrase government seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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to famous
people
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and
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

reputation
Correct pronoun usage
their reputation

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cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes

It seems that the verb cause does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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to
Correct pronoun usage
them to

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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celebrities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

recieve
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receive

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more
money
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

compared
others
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to others

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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. Some negative development
are
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is

The plural verb are does not appear to agree with the singular subject Some negative development. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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its outcome.

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general
Try to ensure all sentences are grammatically correct. Consider using tools like Grammarly or seeking feedback from a teacher.
task achievement
Attempt to include more specific examples that directly relate to the topic or arguments presented.
task achievement
You managed to discuss both reasons for the phenomenon and the consequences, which is a strong point in addressing the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay contains both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps structure your argument.
coherence and cohesion
You provide a clear linkage between higher wages of celebrities and societal factors, showing an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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