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Writing Samples
Band 6

Favorite leisure activities of teenagers in Canada

#leisure #activities #teenagers #canada
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The bar chart compares four different leisure activities - sports, computer games, music, and shopping - in terms of their popularity among teenage
girls
Use synonyms
 and
boys
Use synonyms
 in Canada. Data is presented in percentages. From an
overall
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 perspective, it is apparent that Canadian teenage
girls
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 and
boys
Use synonyms
 differ significantly in their recreational preferences, with
boys
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 showing a stronger inclination towards sports and shopping,
while
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girls
Use synonyms
 predominantly lean towards music and computer games. Of particular note is the substantial difference in interest observed in the realm of shopping. Starting with sports, an impressive 25% of teenage
boys
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 enjoy
this
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 activity, compared to only 10% of
girls
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. The gender gap widens when it comes to shopping, with a remarkable 35% of
boys
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 taking part in
this
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 recreational pursuit in comparison with just 5% of
girls
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.
On the other hand
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, the remaining leisure pursuits exhibit different patterns. Approximately 17% of Canadian teenage
boys
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 engage in playing computer games, slightly higher than the percentage of
girls
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 at just below 15%.
In contrast
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, both
boys
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 and
girls
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 have similar levels of interest in music at just under 20%.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider adding a concluding sentence to summarize your analysis of the chart, even though it is a short response.
task achievement
In your comparison, ensure that all points are consistently followed through. In this essay, while the shopping gender gap is clearly defined, ensure similar emphasis on the significance of sports, computer games, and music differences with a final wrap-up sentence.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive analysis of the differences in leisure activities preferred by Canadian teenagers based on gender.
task achievement
Information from the bar chart is used effectively to support the main points, and the figures are well integrated into the text.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay allows for easy understanding of the comparison of leisure activities between boys and girls.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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