IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Caring for children is important in any society. All parents should be required to take training courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #society #parents #courses
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Taking care of children is believed to
have
Verb problem
be
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crucial
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the crucial
a crucial
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 part
for
Change preposition
of
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 human civilization.It is questionable whether
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 should take a
partipication
Correct your spelling
participation
 in
such
Linking Words
courses
Use synonyms
 who teach how to do good parenting.
Although
Linking Words
 I agree that good caring of
Use synonyms
child
Add an article
the child
a child
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 plays
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a siginificant
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siginificant
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significant
role
to make
Verb problem
in
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society
Use synonyms
 well
being
Verb problem
well-being
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,
i
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I
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 totally disagree with
joing
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joining
 the
courses
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 of childcare by parental adults. There is no doubt that young generations are inseparable
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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of future prosperous and civil
society
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 as long as they are well educated and profound understanding of morals.
as
Capitalize word
As
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aresult
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a result
, it is of great
necesity
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necessity
children
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for children
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 to have good parental
guidence
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guidance
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , children, who are lack parental
guidence
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guidance
from their
parents
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 are getting
indulge
Wrong verb form
indulged
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with
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in
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 illegal activities. For
exanple
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example
, there is an article published by
bbc
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BBC
 in 2019 ,
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that
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70
percent
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per cent
show examples
 of small robberies
conducted
Add a missing verb
are conducted
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 by youth ,
due to
Linking Words
absence
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the absence
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 of
guardiance
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guidance
 in their early stage of life or
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the
show examples
result of bad parenting , those who are just trying to afford their living expenses .
However
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 , there is no need
of
Change preposition
for
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 all
parents
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 to pursue childcare
courses
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,
espeacially
Correct your spelling
especially
as we are already living in
the
Correct article usage
a
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society
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which
Change preposition
in which
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 each individual is fully packed with
hectic
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a hectic
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sechdule
Correct your spelling
schedule
schedules
.
Parents
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, who are responsible for various aspects
finance
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of finance
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 and parental functions, are under a lot of pressure.
Therefore
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 , joining childcare
courses
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 may
makes
Wrong verb form
make
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 their life more
stressfull
Correct your spelling
stressful
and
unbearble
Correct your spelling
unbearable
parenting burden.
Instead
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 , with the constant advancement of technology there are various sources
such
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 as ebooks, networking sites,
social
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and social
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 media , which can provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
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instruction
regard
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regarding
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 how to take good care of
Use synonyms
child
Add an article
the child
a child
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 in
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 effective way . To
sumup
Correct your spelling
sum up
. it is undeniable that good parenting
provide
Change the verb form
provides
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
a
Add the preposition
with a
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good human
however
Linking Words
 , in
this
Linking Words
fastphased
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
 world it is difficult for adult
parents
Use synonyms
 to join
child
Use synonyms
 care
courses
Use synonyms
 , there are ulternative ways which can help to
good
Add an article
the good
show examples
 upbringing of
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
like as internet.
Submitted by amarbatth367 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on developing ideas in a clear and logical manner. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point and appropriate supporting details.
Task Achievement
Ensure sentences are clear and ideas are presented comprehensively. Simplifying sentence structure and ensuring connections between ideas can improve comprehension.
Language Accuracy
Proofread for spelling and punctuation errors to enhance clarity and professionalism in your writing.
Task Achievement
You addressed the task by presenting both sides of the argument regarding parental training courses.
Task Achievement
You provided a relevant example about youth and crime, strengthening your argument about the importance of parental guidance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion is present, which aids in understanding the essay's flow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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