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Writing Samples
Band 7

Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in recent years. What are the primary causes of this? What measures should be taken to reduce childhood obesity?

#childhood #obesity #years #measures
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Many people claim that there is an ever-increasing number of
children
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 who are overweight.
This
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 essay argues that the main cause of
this
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 phenomenon is the overconsumption of sugary food by those youngsters whilst the practice of
sports
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 and a balanced diet are the prime solutions. It is conspicuous that
children
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 are fat because they consume a lot of
products
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 that contain
sugar
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.Indeed, sugary food is the prime cause of childhood
obesity
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.
This
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 is because
sugar
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 is an aliment that increases weight when it is frequently eaten, which may be detrimental to
children
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's health.
Furthermore
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, those youngsters tend naturally to enjoy
sugar
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products
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 more than adults.
In addition
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 to that,
sugar
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 is considered a drug because it is addictive. In
this
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 regard, manufacturers put a high rate of
sugar
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 in their
products
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 to make consumers addicted to it.
For example
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, "Nestle" which is a famous brand of chocolate,
put
Wrong verb form
puts
show examples
 more than 50% of
sugar
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 in its
products
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.
On the other hand
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, there are viable solutions to fight against
this
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 nutritional catastrophe. In fact, the practice of
sports
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 is consequential in managing
obesity
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 as
sports
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 make
children
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 lose weight.
Therefore
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, parents should be aware of the fact that they have to encourage their kids to have physical activities.
Moreover
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, it would be pertinent to set up awareness campaigns at schools, which aim to teach those fat youngsters how to have a better diet
in addition
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 to showcasing the risks of
obesity
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 to health.
For instance
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, in Casablanca, Morocco, each year, a special day is dedicated to schools to learn about
obesity
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,its dangers and how to deal with it. In conclusion, the abundance of
sugar
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 in daily food is the prime cause of childhood
obesity
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.
However
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,
this
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 phenomenon can be handled by encouraging
children
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 to practice
sports
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 and establishing awareness campaigns at schools.It is crystal clear that
obesity
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 is a fight that should involve every member of our society.
Submitted by namoisma on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure to maintain consistent spacing between words and after punctuation to improve readability.
task achievement
Clarify the thesis statement in the introduction by explicitly stating the main points to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
Consider concluding with a compelling closing sentence that reinforces the significance of tackling obesity.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points, such as referencing 'Nestle' and campaigns in Casablanca.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure is logical, with a clear division of causes and solutions for childhood obesity.
task achievement
A strong understanding of the issue and proposed solutions is demonstrated through specific and detailed ideas.
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