Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in recent years. What are the primary causes of this? What measures should be taken to reduce childhood obesity?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Recently,
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
obesity
Use synonyms
has become a significant issue . In
this
Linking Words
essay, I will discuss the main reasons and suggest some solutions to reduce childhood
obesity
Use synonyms
. To
beging
Correct your spelling
begin
with , there are enormous numbers of reasons behind childhood
obesity
Use synonyms
,the main reason is
devices
Use synonyms
and technology
for instance
Linking Words
, spending a long
time
Use synonyms
on
devices
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
as playing video games leads to
obesity
Use synonyms
because it
is has
Change the verb form
has
show examples
no active actions
also
Linking Words
spending 3 or 4 hours without realization
cuses
Correct your spelling
causes
cases
not only
obesity
Use synonyms
but
also
Linking Words
aother
Correct your spelling
other
diseases
such
Linking Words
as diabetes ,
in
Linking Words
addition
Add the comma(s)
addition,
show examples
kids can ask for food whole the
time
Use synonyms
because it is hard to
controlling
Change the verb
control
show examples
childern
Correct your spelling
children
Brin
while
Linking Words
they play . With regard to
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
childhood
Use synonyms
obesity
Add a comma
obesity,
show examples
there are several effective ways , first one parents have to
setting
Change the verb form
set
show examples
limits
Use synonyms
time
Change preposition
on time
show examples
for
devices
Use synonyms
for example
Linking Words
, they can consider the
time
Use synonyms
after dinner and lunch
prohibit
Wrong verb form
prohibited
show examples
in order to avoid
eatting
Correct your spelling
eating
without realization .
Moreover
Linking Words
, school communities have to do some exercise every morning and encourage kids to participate in some sports can help to
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
wight
Correct your spelling
weight
show examples
with
fully
Change the adverb
full
show examples
enjoyment . In conclusion ,
obesity
Use synonyms
recently has increased among children
due to
Linking Words
many reasons like the
time
Use synonyms
consumption on
devices
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
there easily ways to
addering
Correct your spelling
address
this
Linking Words
problem , in terms of parents and
school
Change noun form
school's
show examples
role in
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
life .
Therefore
Linking Words
educated
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
children about
obesity
Use synonyms
is essential and requires now to live
clean
Change preposition
with clean
show examples
food .
Submitted by rwnalanezi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more logically. Ensure your arguments flow from one to the next.
task achievement
Provide more detailed supporting examples to illustrate your points.
task achievement
Clarify and comprehensively develop your ideas to make them clearer.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully introduced the topic and concluded your essay effectively.
task achievement
You addressed the task by identifying causes of childhood obesity and suggested solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: