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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays a growing number of people with health problems trying alternative medicine and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctors. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicine #treatments #doctors #development
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The field of
health
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 has undergone significant transformations in recent years, reshaping how
patients
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, medical
professionals
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, and
global
Correct article usage
the global
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healthcare
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system
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approaching
Wrong verb form
approach
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 well-being. One of the most outstanding trends is the gained popularity of
alternative
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medicine
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 and
treatments
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, in my humble opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development for both
patients
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 and society as a whole. From
patients
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' perspective,
alternative
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 medical
treatments
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, serving as a complementary method to traditional
medicine
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,
broadens
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broaden
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 their medical options and could be seen as a key to solving certain public
healthcare
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 problems. In terms of medical options,
alternative
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treatments
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such
Linking Words
 as acupuncture provide a better way to alleviate pain and benefit
the
Correct article usage
apply
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holistic
health
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 than traditional
medicine
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, which could potentially substitute the abusive usage of painkillers. In terms of public
healthcare
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, more individuals seeking
treatments
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 from
alternative
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medicine
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 clinics for the benefit of bypassing the
overburden
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overburdened
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 public
healthcare
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system
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, which usually indicates long waiting times and the unaffordable cost of advanced treatment. Even better,
health
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 insurance providers could evolve their policies to support
a more diversified
Correct the article-noun agreement
more diversified treatments
a more diversified treatment
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treatments
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 like
chinese
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Chinese
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 traditional
medicine
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,
thus
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further
Linking Words
 reducing the out-of-pocket money for individuals. On the
societial
Correct your spelling
social
 level, the gained popularity of
alternative
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 medical practices can reduce the load on public hospitals and motivate medical innovations.
Firstly
Linking Words
, with more
patients
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flock
Wrong verb form
flocking
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 to
alternative
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healthcare
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 providers, the workload placed on
public
Add an article
the public
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healthcare
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system
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 will be reduced, and the
professionals
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 and resources will be released.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, the shortage problem caused by overpopulation and increasing needs in ageing care can be less serious.
Secondly
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, the fact that people lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
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confidence in traditional
medicine
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 will inevitably motivate innovations in the medical field. It's
forseenable
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foreseeable
 that researchers will
collabrate
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collaborate
 with AI
professionals
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 to promote advancements
such
Linking Words
 as AI diagnostic and
sophistacated
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sophisticated
instrument
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instruments
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 to shorten
diagonise
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diagnose
diagnosis
 time and even find medical breakthroughs
on
Change preposition
in
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 untreatable diseases
such
Linking Words
 as certain types of cancers.
In addition
Linking Words
, disputed methodologies including aromatherapy and aeropathy could attract more
fundings
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funding
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 and produce more output. In conclusion, I firmly believe that trying
alternative
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medicine
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 or
treatments
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 will positively influence how
patients
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,
health
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professionals
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, and
global
Correct article usage
the global
show examples
healthcare
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
approaching
Wrong verb form
approach
show examples
 well-being.
Submitted by daisysungx on

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coherence cohesion
Link ideas smoothly across and within paragraphs to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Clarify some expressions and improve sentence structure for clear communication.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your arguments.
task achievement
You address the question asked thoroughly, discussing both societal and individual perspectives.
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