IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is threfore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food . To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that states should charge fast foodstuff companies more rate because of the growing
amount
Use synonyms
 of men and women with bloom conditions associated with
this
Linking Words
 type of meal.
This
Linking Words
 essay totally agrees with that statement because these illnesses
Use synonyms
amount
Verb problem
cost
show examples
 the well-being service too much money and increasing the price of junk
Use synonyms
snack
Fix the agreement mistake
snacks
show examples
 would reduce the demand for
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Obesity-related illnesses
rate
Verb problem
cost
show examples
 the taxpayer billions of dollars every year. public who eat too much fast food are more likely to suffer from costly diseases associated with being overweight.
As a result
Linking Words
, they have to go to the hospital more regularly for treatment and
this
Linking Words
 puts a strain on the health services.
For example
Linking Words
, a large proportion of the United Kingdom's National
strength
Capitalize word
Strength
show examples
 Service budget is spent on preventable obesity-related diseases,
such
Linking Words
 as heart disease, hypertension and diabetes. Another reason why fast
snack
Use synonyms
 restaurants should pay extra
fine
Fix the agreement mistake
fines
show examples
 is to raise the cost in order to decrease demand. Any extra levy would added to the normal price of the meal, and as prices go up fewer
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 will be able to afford to buy fatty cuisine.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 would reduce the
amount
Use synonyms
 of junk food people eat and the result would be a healthier nation.
For example
Linking Words
, the UK government introduced a 'sugar cost' on sugary soft drinks in an attempt to fight the obesity epidemic. In conclusion, I totally agree with the statement that to deal with the health problems of
nation
Add an article
the nation
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 fast
Use synonyms
snack
Fix the agreement mistake
snacks
show examples
 government should increase the fine as its treatment costs a huge
amount
Use synonyms
 of money
also
Linking Words
 it will decrease the demand for
Use synonyms
snack
Fix the agreement mistake
snacks
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that there is a balance between arguing both for and against the topic for a more comprehensive view.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples, like the UK's 'sugar tax'.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion provide a clear overview of the topic and the writer's stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: