IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some hold the view that ideas and information should be completely open, and there should be no controls on what people can read and watch in the media (TV, newspapers, internet). Do you agree with this view, or do you think that in some circumstances governments should limit the freedom of the media?

#hold #information #controls #people #media #tv #newspapers #internet #circumstances #governments #limit #freedom
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
contemporary
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the contemporary
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 world, with the
developing
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development
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 of
techonolgy
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technology
, nowadays, it is easy to reach all
type
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types
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 of content and
information
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. A
noticiable
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noticeable
 proportion
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people
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of people
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 believe that ideas and
information
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 should be completely open,
moreover
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 there should be no exhibit on
media
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. I strongly
disaagree
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disagree
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this
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with this
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 idea,
due to
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 the
information
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social
media
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 and other websites has
big
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a big
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 impact
to
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on
show examples
people
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’s
reaction
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reactions
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, mental health and
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
.
Firstly
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, some of the
informations
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information
pieces of information
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 has a
curical
Correct your spelling
crucial
critical
 impact
to
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on
show examples
 children.
For instance
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, numerous websites
contains
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contain
show examples
 a lot of dangerous content
such
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 as Deepweb.
Morever
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Moreover
,
in
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on
show examples
this
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 type of
websites
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website
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can find different dangerous videos and ideas,
besides
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 children have a big curiosity
to
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about
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 new
unkown
Correct your spelling
unknown
contents
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content
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.
As a consequence
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, it
is
Verb problem
has
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negative
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a negative
the negative
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 impact
to
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on
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development
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the development
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 of
juvenils
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juveniles
juvenile
personality
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personalities
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,
furthermore
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,
also
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, when they learn
the
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about the
show examples
 dark side of the world it could
enject
Correct your spelling
inject
reject
eject
 their aspect to
pesitimist
Correct your spelling
pessimist
 perception.
Secondly
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, infinity
media
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 may influence
people
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 badly and normal
circumstance
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circumstances
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 can become
a
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apply
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chaos. For illustrate, in Turkey, when
criticil situtaions
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critical situations
happens
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happen
show examples
goverment
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government
 quickly bans the
media
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, owing to prevent unwanted results. Most of the time
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
Add a missing verb
are easilly
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easilly incfluence
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easily influenced
 by
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media
Correct article usage
the media
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 and they
are turn
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are turned
are turning
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 into
aggresive
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aggressive
 attitute
to
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toward
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 races and society.
Hence
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,
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
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government
 trying to prevent
aggresive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
 behaviours with
exhibit
Add an article
the exhibit
an exhibit
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to
Change preposition
by
show examples
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
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. To
sump
Correct your spelling
sum
show examples
 up, some
people
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argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that ideas and
information
Use synonyms
 should be free to reach all the
platfroms
Correct your spelling
platforms
,
instead
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 of
no
Add a missing verb
having no
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 control. I
totaly disaagree
Correct your spelling
totally disagree
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this
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with this
show examples
 idea, since
people
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 may change their reactions to critical
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
show examples
,
additionaly
Correct your spelling
additionally
 we need to protect
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
children's
 mental health from dangerous
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
.
Submitted by ozkansesen07 on

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Grammatical Accuracy
The essay contains minor grammatical and spelling errors, such as 'disagree' misspelled as 'disaagree', or 'crucial' spelled as 'curical'. Reviewing the essay for these simple errors can improve the quality of your writing.
Argument Development
Your argument is generally clear, but be careful to clarify terms like 'Deepweb' for readers who might not be familiar with them.
Consistency and Clarity
Ensure consistency in your argument. For example, clarify if you're specifically discussing the internet or the media as a whole, and align examples accordingly.
Structure
You were successful in presenting both an introduction and a conclusion in your essay, each clarifying your stance on media freedom.
Task Fulfillment
The essay addresses the task without significant deviation from the main points, indicating a clear understanding of the question posed.
Example Usage
Your examples, such as the reference to events in Turkey, effectively illustrate the points you are making about government intervention for social stability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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