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Writing Samples
Band 8

In many countries, young children are looked after during the day while their parents go to work. In a sense, they are raised by guardians and not their biological parents. What is your opinion of this family arrangement?

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Despite the significant transformations that emerged in urban life, there's still a great emphasis placed on work-life balance and education. It's a common phenomenon that
children
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 are taken care of by their grandparents or childcare institutes during the working hours of their
parents
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. In
this
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 essay, I will analyse the intricate causes behind
this
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 and explain the pros and cons. Several factors have contributed to the formation of
this
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 issue. From
parents
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' perspective, the modern work culture makes it difficult for them to spend time with
kids
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, especially for dual-income households.
For instance
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, it's increasingly common for women to rush back to work after giving birth under the shadow of motherhood penalties, and the breadwinners usually have a tendency to overwork and workaholism in economic downturns.
Secondly
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, there's a prominent trend of early education in urban areas. Some
parents
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 believe that it's advantageous for
kids
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 to prepare themselves for the competitive and overpopulationised world at an early age.
As a result
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, sending
kids
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 to extracurricular activities is more beneficial than staying at home.
Lastly
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, it's notable that in some cultures, raising
kids
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 is a shared responsibility among all family members.
For example
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, in East Asia countries, seniors are usually the ones to urge their
children
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 to have
kids
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 and in return, willing to participate in raising offspring.
This
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 trend will undoubtedly bring both advantages and disadvantages. Critics argue that the reduced quality of time with biological
parents
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 will stem
children
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's development and make it hard for them to build connections and create intimacy with
parents
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 later on.
However
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, I believe the advantages outweigh the mentioned issues.
First,
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being raised in a diverse linguistic environment will foster language acquisition.
For example
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, people raised by their grandparents usually picked up regional dialects, which play a pivotal role in inheriting cultural heritages.
In addition
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, spending time in childcare facilitates childhood friendships and improves
children
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's communication skills. In conclusion,
this
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 social phenomenon is shaped by both modern work culture and regional cultural norms.
While
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 it brings some disadvantages to
children
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's development, I firmly believe the advantages it has in education and communication are much more valuable.

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coherence cohesion
Be careful with complexity; ensure clarity and precision in your points to avoid any misinterpretation.
task achievement
Consider further expanding on how cultural norms can influence childcare decisions for more depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the balancing of advantages and disadvantages offers a more nuanced analysis for stronger coherence.
task achievement
Strong explanation of modern work culture and its impact on family dynamics.
task achievement
Effective use of examples, such as the impact of being raised in diverse linguistic environments, to support points.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion provide good framing for the discussion.
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