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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of palnts and animals. Other say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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These days, people have various perspectives on environmental matters. A group of them think that the main obstacle is to reduce the number of biodiversity;
however
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, others believe that other environmental issues are more crucial. In my opinion, the other environmental problems are so important owing to the fact that it has a lot of effect on the whole of creatures. On the one hand, when biological diversity declines,
then
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 wild creatures and humans will die.
In other words
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, the hunting of
animals
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,
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apply
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 triggers a situation in which some wild
animals
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 become rare;
thereafter
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, the ecosystem balance changes.
For example
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, if the figure of mice in one region decreases, the number of cats, whose main food is Mice, reduces.
On the other hand
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, the fact
that is
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 really essential is that other environmental matters like global warming, deforestation, and so on impact the ecological balance.
For instance
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, global warming has an adverse influence on the level of the seas, the volume of polar ice, the weather temperature, and so forth. After that, these consequences have a negative impact
such
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 as, it is brink of the polar
animals
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 on the extinction because they lose their home.
In addition
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, the sector of forests, the main habitat of wild
animals
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, declined inasmuch as the hot weather burnt them.
To sum up
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, in my opinion, focusing on other environmental fashion namely, climate change, and so on is more crucial on account of the fact that these trends create a chance that annihilates not only wild creatures but
also
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 humans.

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task achievement
Ensure a balance between the discussion of both views to improve the task response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure clear paragraphing to enhance cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present.
task achievement
The essay discusses both views, though the focus is slightly more on one side.
task achievement
Relevant examples are used to support main points, enhancing clarity.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Biodiversity
  • Ecosystem balance
  • Domino effect
  • Extinction
  • Medicinal properties
  • Potential medical breakthroughs
  • Climate change
  • Pollution
  • Deforestation
  • Habitat destruction
  • Severe weather patterns
  • Rising sea levels
  • Immediate threat
  • Universal challenge
  • Endangered species
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