IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

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In some places, the approach towards homeownership receives much more respect than the alternative of rental
property
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the reasons behind those criteria. and why I believe that it is a rather shallow way of thinking.
Firstly
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, nowadays, our world is facing rapid economic changes that are mainly caused by increased political conflicts.
Therefore
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, many people have lost trust in their government, especially in developing countries, which has increased their desire to own their own house as a method of self-insurance and to ensure their residence safety. To illustrate, people tend to prefer having a
property
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 of their own in order to get away from risks associated with home rental,
such
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 as getting kicked out of the
property
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 in case of financial instability, being exploited by the landlord, having to pay extra taxes, and a lot more.
Secondly
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,
while
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this
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 notion of thinking may seem reasonable, it can actually induce a large range of problems.
For instance
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, the dominance of that mindset might cause social pressures on fresh graduates who are still building a foundation for their lives.
In other words
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, homeownership would be a sign of a high position in the social hierarchy, which is a rather shallow way to think.
This
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 is because that pressure will make the young ones put any money they profit into owning a home without thinking rationally about the probable risks as problems. In conclusion, despite the fact that there is no doubt that owning your own home gives a lot of privileges and grows with the worsened economic status, the rise in societal pressure on junior citizens to get their own
property
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 may lead to conversing results.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your essay logically.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more relatable. This will improve your task achievement score.
clear ideas
Clarify the main arguments in each paragraph to ensure that your ideas are easily accessible to the reader.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and present, effectively outlining and summarizing the essay's main points.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a balanced view by discussing reasons why owning a home might be considered important and examining its positive and negative implications.
language use
The use of specific terminology, such as 'self-insurance' and 'social hierarchy,' enhances the depth of your analysis, making the essay more insightful.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
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