IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In which ways is Candle cafe is a sustainable business?

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For a small business like “Candle
Add a comma
cafe,
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cafe
Capitalize word
Cafe
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” it’s crucial to be aware of the ecological footprint we are leaving, as by thinking about
sustainable
Correct article usage
a sustainable
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 approach we are thinking about the wellbeing of our customers. So I would like to outline here how we try to implement sustainable practices in our production processes. First and foremost, I think we should talk about environmental sustainability. For
production
Add an article
the production
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 of our
candles
Add a comma
candles,
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 we are using only soy and gell waxes,
instead
Linking Words
 of paraffin, which is used in most candles that you can purchase in local supermarkets.
On
Change preposition
At
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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first
glance
Add a comma
glance,
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 it might seem wasteful concerning the fact that they cost more than the
so called
Add a hyphen
so-called
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 classic material, but we can assure
that
Correct pronoun usage
you that
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 choosing renewable sources like soy wax is in fact better, as they are not only
being
Verb problem
apply
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eco
Use synonyms
 friendly
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 are less harmful to use for our customers, which is one of the most important things for us to consider when we are choosing our raw materials. As well,
instead
Linking Words
 of using new glass
packaging
Add a comma
packaging,
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 we are opting for thrifting
second hand
Add a hyphen
second-hand
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 glasses to give them a new purpose. In
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
way,
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 we are ensuring that our product is not only looking good
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 is ecologically sustainable. Second of all, we are ensuring that our suppliers are being sustainable as well and
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
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 fair labour.
For example
Linking Words
, we are currently purchasing our soy wax from a small family business.
Additionally
Linking Words
, we were researching materials to find out which ones are the best to use.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, to be sure that our business will stay profitable we are making our products not only to be sustainable and
eco
Use synonyms
 friendly, but
also
Linking Words
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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look appealing. As we are called “Candle
cafe
Capitalize word
Cafe
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” it is obvious that we are creating candles that look like desserts and cocktails. In
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
way,
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 we are targeting a young audience
that is
Linking Words
Use synonyms
eco conscious
Add a hyphen
eco-conscious
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but still wants to have something nice to look at.
Also
Linking Words
, by creating aesthetically pleasing products we are targeting customers, who are in search of thoughtful presents and so want to surprise their friends. So right now these are the ways in which we are trying to become more sustainable and
Use synonyms
eco conscious
Add a hyphen
eco-conscious
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
 there is always room for improvement, so we hope that in the future our products will be even less impacting the environment.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and flows smoothly into the next one. Encourage the use of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and sentences.
Task Achievement
Try to develop some points a bit further for more clarity. Elaborate on the sustainability practices by adding more detailed explanations or additional examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and effective conclusion that encapsulate the main ideas.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task well by explaining how Candle Cafe is a sustainable business with specific examples of their practices.
Task Achievement
There is a variety of sentence structures, which makes the essay engaging and readable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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