Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent, do you agree or disagree?
The revolution in education is a topic of concern because people are all aware of how important education is to national development. There has been a suggestion to make unpaid social service mandatory for high
school
students
to shape their character and increase their sense of belonging to a community. I disagree with this
idea.
Firstly
, the main responsibility of students
is to focus on study. More importantly, high school
students
are going to sit the university entrance examination, therefore
they are too overwhelmed with reviewing and revising for such
a vital exam. At the time, forcing them to work
voluntarily may distract them creating more school
pressure or worsening academic performance.
Secondly
, students
should be a liberty to decide whether they will do unpaid community service or not. The voluntary work
should stem from their sympathy and kindness rather than obligation. For example
, requiring students
to teach sports to younger children is obligatory pack will be improper, and the inhibition to do things they dislike can be reason
for some violence or attack on receivers.
Add an article
the reason
a reason
Thirdly
, it should be unfair in terms of financial matters. Many families need a loan to cover the cost of study; consequently
, it would be better if their children, after school
hours, could support their parents with housework or even a part of money earning. It is illegal to use child labour; nonetheless
, children at high school
, who are under working age, must work
without payment. To some extent, this
creates a contradiction.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that high school
students
should not be required to do unpaid community work
.Submitted by mohsen.souri93 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance against making unpaid community service compulsory for high school students, which is good. However, some of your main points could be developed further with more specific examples and stronger arguments. For instance, provide more concrete examples of how community service might affect students' study time or emotional well-being.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next. While the essay is generally coherent, it would benefit from more explicit linking phrases. For instance, you could use phrases like 'in addition,' 'moreover,' or 'on the other hand,' to make the transitions between ideas smoother.
General
Work on sentence variety and complexity to enhance readability. Currently, your essay contains some sentences that are a bit lengthy and could be broken down into shorter, clearer ones. For example, 'More importantly, high school students are going to sit the university entrance examination, therefore they are too overwhelmed with reviewing and revising for such a vital exam,' could be split into two sentences for better clarity.
Introduction
Your introduction is clear and sets up the essay well by presenting the main argument right away.
Conclusion
The essay has a strong conclusion that reiterates your stance effectively, providing a clear end to your argument.
Main Points
You've made some good points regarding the potential drawbacks of mandatory community service, such as increased pressure and the importance of voluntary motivation.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!