IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think it is a waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, do you agree or disagree?

#people #waste #money #libraries #internet #home #information
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Some believe that spending money on building libraries is unnecessary because
people
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 can access
information
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 online from home.
To begin
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 with, most
people
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 can be confidently stated that the library offers a wide variety of
books
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 for
people
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 to gain knowledge. Reading
books
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 helps us expand our horizons and enhances human potential.
Moreover
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, we can gain knowledge through journals or
books
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 that help us stay informed with
information
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 verified by scientists.
Furthermore
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, not everyone has their own private mobile phone, so not everyone can obtain
information
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 from the
internet
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. In
this
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 situation, the best choice is to read
books
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, as they are accessible and comfortable for all. In my opinion in many famous countries residents always go to the library and
this
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 trend is still prevalent.
However
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, some
people
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 consider that libraries waste time and it is unnecessary for them. Because at the moment in modern lifestyle younger prefer that
internet
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 through learning than
books
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 and
This
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 means that the demand for
books
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 and libraries will decrease.
Besides
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 buying
books
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also
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 becomes an extra expense, as
people
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 choose to read online.The results of recent years show that readers the
books
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 more than
internet
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 users more In conclusion, the
internet
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 gives more
information
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 than
books
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, But the fact that the
books
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 are still preserved proves that there is a demand for them and that they contain authentic
information
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.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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task achievement
Ensure that you provide specific examples or statistics to back up your points, such as statistics about library use or internet usage. This makes your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Be sure to clarify your position. In the discussion on modern life and the internet, it reads slightly like a list rather than a reasoned argument supporting or rebutting library importance.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving transitions between paragraphs. For example, when you introduce the counter-argument, ensure it flows smoothly from what has been said before.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your writing has a logical flow in the presentation of points, demonstrating good planning.
task achievement
You've identified both sides of the argument effectively, showing an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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