IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Of late, it is believed that students studying in secondary school and high school should be taught how to manage money as it is an important life skill. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this argument? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#students #school #money #life #skill #argument
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It is said that teaching pupils basic financial skills during secondary school and high school is a crucial task for any education system.
However
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, a minority believe it is an academic issue (that) should be taught in universities. I utterly agree with the former opinion. Dealing with
money
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 is an essential need (that) every child should master before getting into adulthood, as it is one of the social
behaviors
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behaviours
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 individuals encounter on a daily basis.
For instance
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, even buying groceries from supermarkets depends on how we financially manage our budget.
Additionally
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, in more advanced scenarios, buying accommodation, paying bills, and negotiating deals require understanding simple economic principles. One
such
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 example is evaluating the cost-benefit of loaning
money
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 from a bank to purchase an expensive item like a car relative to your salary.
Therefore
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, financial management is a skill that must be learned early and
practiced
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practised
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 before reaching adulthood. As important as it is, in my perspective, parents should start training even their preschool children on how to manage their pocket
money
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.
Hence
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, they have more time to incorporate these essentials into daily life as early as they can.
Moreover
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, some students might not plan to enter universities. If they do not receive these lessons in school, they may not have any other opportunities to learn them.
Consequently
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, they might lack these qualifications when they are in need.
Such
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 incompetence might lead to financial instability, which in turn can ruin one's personal and social life.
For example
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, many divorces are related to financial instability caused by poor
money
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 management.
Overall
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,
although
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 a small group of people might find students immature for financial studies,
this
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 argument should be refuted. These skills are vital for their social roles. It seems that the earlier individuals become familiar with managing
money
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, the more time they will have to develop expertise.
Submitted by drmmdi on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the task well, consider providing more diverse examples rather than focusing on financial management related to avoiding divorces. This will enrich the discussion and show a broader understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Ensure all main ideas in the essay are fully elaborated. Some points could benefit from a deeper explanation or additional evidence to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is cohesive, you can enhance cohesion by using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a well-organized structure with clear introduction and conclusion, effectively addressing the task of discussing financial education.
task achievement
The arguments presented are logical and professional, supported by relevant examples, such as the need for financial management even in simple daily activities.
coherence cohesion
The introduction skillfully presents the topic and your position, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments, reinforcing the position taken at the beginning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • budgeting
  • savings culture
  • spending wisely
  • financial stability
  • responsibility
  • discipline
  • financial goals
  • long-term financial health
  • digital transactions
  • online banking
  • interest rates
  • investments
  • credit scores
  • debt management
  • academic pressures
  • curriculum balance
  • informed financial decisions
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