Some people believe that the only purpose of films is to entertain. Others say films should have educational values. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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some may feel that the major role of movies is to have a delightful
self focus
Add a hyphen
self-focus

It appears that self focus is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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time
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker because. Consider removing the comma.

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because people head to the cinema to clear their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds

It seems that mind may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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from pressure in business and school sectors,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

some argue that films should initiate educational content because of the high ratio of audience and the vast screens.
Moreoverm
Correct your spelling
Moreover

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nomerous
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numerous

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teengers
Correct your spelling
teenagers

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focus on movies screen. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay, I will discuss both points of view and drop in my own perspective. On one hand, I believe
with
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the statement that said:
movie
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

theater
Change the spelling
theatre

The spelling of theater is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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should be a place for entertainment,a variety of
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations

It seems that population may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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purchase a ticket to enter a vast hall, that has the feature of
extravagant
Correct article usage
an extravagant

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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screen, to escape from
their
Change the word
the

The word their may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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pressured atmosphere of work or school
curricular
Replace the word
curricula

The word curricular doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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and have a moment of peace and
delightfullness
Correct your spelling
delightfulness

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. If a
movie
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is
interepted
Correct your spelling
intercepted
interested
interrupted

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by
irrelevent
Correct your spelling
irrelevant

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content, it will reduce the
theater
Change noun form
theater's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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global rank in the competitive world, to give an example, if someone
entred
Correct your spelling
entered

The word entred doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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a
movie
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

about
superman
Capitalize word
Superman

The word superman should be capitalized in this context.

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and it was
cutted
Correct your spelling
cut

It appears that the verb cutted is misspelled. Correct the spelling.

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by
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun content in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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content about how to achieve a high score, many children will be disappointed.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some may believe that the critical role of films is to initiate educational values
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as teamwork, patience and public speaking,
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Correct determiner usage
these

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

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crucial values should be taught to each individual, and the sole way to achieve
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is through a crowded fully booked environment
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as the cinema, to give an example, an educational campaign can reach 1000
humanbeings
Correct your spelling
human beings

If you don’t want humanbeings to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

a day if shown in the first 10 minutes of the desired
movie
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

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strongly believe that a
movie
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

theatre is to delight the visitors
instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of educating them
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker because. Consider removing the comma.

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because education has its
specefic
Correct your spelling
specific

If you don’t want specefic to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

atmosphere
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as schools.

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task achievement
Work on developing your ideas more comprehensively by providing deeper explanations and strengthening the arguments. This will enhance the clarity and depth of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by using more transitional phrases and ensuring that each paragraph smoothly leads to the next. This will create a more fluid and logical progression of ideas.
language accuracy
Proofread for minor spelling and grammar mistakes to ensure clarity and professionalism in your writing. This will also help in conveying your message more effectively.
introduction
Your introduction is effective and sets the stage for discussing both views clearly.
conclusion
You provide a valid conclusion that reinforces your stance on the topic.
task achievement
You make an effort to address both sides of the argument, showing a balanced understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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