IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the only purpose of films is to entertain. Others say films should have educational values. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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some may feel that the major role of movies is to have a delightful
self focus
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self-focus
show examples
 time
,
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apply
show examples
 because people head to the cinema to clear their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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 from pressure in business and school sectors,
while
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 some argue that films should initiate educational content because of the high ratio of audience and the vast screens.
Moreoverm
Correct your spelling
Moreover
nomerous
Correct your spelling
numerous
teengers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
 focus on movies screen. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both points of view and drop in my own perspective. On one hand, I believe
with
Change preposition
apply
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the statement that said:
movie
Use synonyms
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
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 should be a place for entertainment,a variety of
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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 purchase a ticket to enter a vast hall, that has the feature of
extravagant
Correct article usage
an extravagant
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 screen, to escape from
their
Change the word
the
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 pressured atmosphere of work or school
curricular
Replace the word
curricula
show examples
 and have a moment of peace and
delightfullness
Correct your spelling
delightfulness
. If a
movie
Use synonyms
 is
interepted
Correct your spelling
intercepted
interested
interrupted
 by
irrelevent
Correct your spelling
irrelevant
 content, it will reduce the
theater
Change noun form
theater's
show examples
 global rank in the competitive world, to give an example, if someone
entred
Correct your spelling
entered
show examples
 a
movie
Use synonyms
 about
superman
Capitalize word
Superman
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 and it was
cutted
Correct your spelling
cut
show examples
 by
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
content about how to achieve a high score, many children will be disappointed.
On the other hand
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, some may believe that the critical role of films is to initiate educational values
such
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 as teamwork, patience and public speaking,
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 crucial values should be taught to each individual, and the sole way to achieve
this
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 is through a crowded fully booked environment
such
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 as the cinema, to give an example, an educational campaign can reach 1000
humanbeings
Correct your spelling
human beings
 a day if shown in the first 10 minutes of the desired
movie
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly believe that a
movie
Use synonyms
 theatre is to delight the visitors
instead
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 of educating them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because education has its
specefic
Correct your spelling
specific
 atmosphere
such
Linking Words
 as schools.

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task achievement
Work on developing your ideas more comprehensively by providing deeper explanations and strengthening the arguments. This will enhance the clarity and depth of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by using more transitional phrases and ensuring that each paragraph smoothly leads to the next. This will create a more fluid and logical progression of ideas.
language accuracy
Proofread for minor spelling and grammar mistakes to ensure clarity and professionalism in your writing. This will also help in conveying your message more effectively.
introduction
Your introduction is effective and sets the stage for discussing both views clearly.
conclusion
You provide a valid conclusion that reinforces your stance on the topic.
task achievement
You make an effort to address both sides of the argument, showing a balanced understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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