More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think that the government should increase the price of fattening foods to address this issue. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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I don't agree with that statement. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
the important
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
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to do is to keep educating people about healthy life.
This
Linking Words
healthy life consists of how we choose our food and what kind of exercise
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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we need to maintain our health.
For educating
Change preposition
To educate
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people, we can collaborate with different
stakeholder
Change the noun form
stakeholders
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such
Linking Words
as
from
Change preposition
apply
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the government,
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
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, and
influencer
Fix the agreement mistake
influencers
show examples
.
Submitted by azizatunnisaa66 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a structured introduction and conclusion. Adding these sections can help in organizing your thoughts and creating a clear pathway for the reader.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples. For instance, you can mention successful campaigns or initiatives that have improved public health through education.
task achievement
Elaborate on the role of different stakeholders in public health education to present a more comprehensive viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay touches on an alternative solution to the issue of obesity through education and collaboration with stakeholders, which is a positive perspective.
coherence cohesion
Ideas are presented clearly, which makes it easy for the reader to understand the main argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fattening foods
  • obesity epidemic
  • public health
  • government intervention
  • taxation policy
  • price elasticity
  • consumer behavior
  • socioeconomic impact
  • nutritional education
  • lifestyle changes
  • healthier alternatives
  • balanced diet
  • financial incentives
  • eating habits
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