12. There is an increasing amount of advertising directed at children, encouraging them to buy toys and snacks. Many parents are worried that these advertisements put too much pressure on children, while some advertisements claim that they provide useful information to children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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A huge number of

advertisements

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are increasing by pointing at

children

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and encouraging them to consume toys and snacks. Many parents are concerned that these marketings put a lot of pressure on

children

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while

Linking Words

some advertisers claim that giving useful information is part of the campaigns. The following supports and examples of/in both views will be discussed below.

First,

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one of the most common effects of over-putting

advertisements

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children

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is stress. Because the child’s brain development is not

as well as

Linking Words

adult ones. Insufficiency of emotional control and critical thinking leads the younger ones to be tense unconsciously.

In addition

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

online promotion targets the young generation making

children

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lose focus on studying which is the major role of childhood because accessible internet allows juveniles to perceive the product readily.

For example

Linking Words

, BBC News reported that 75 per cent of homeschooled students are distracted by internet

advertisements

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and their admission scores dropped significantly compared to those studying at school.

On the other hand

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, without

advertisements

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, the parents would have not known the exact information about whether it suits their kid or not. The advantage of promoting kid gadgets is not only to earn their attention but

also

Linking Words

to give them consideration to their guardians before buying them.

For instance

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, the FDA stated that the ingredients must be shown visibly on both the container and campaign to prevent the consumer from being allergic to any substances that can lead the unwanted death.

Moreover

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, the advertiser creates entertainment for the child by inventing a memorable song or image to recognize the product which facilitates the

children

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to get enough nutritional meals.

To conclude

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, there is a rising up of direct advertising to juveniles and stimulating them to get those things causing a lot of tension in the teens and making them lose focus on tuition

while

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advertising to

children

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not only have the parents consider the details before giving something to their

children

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, but

also

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make amusement and help the

children

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have their proper food and beverage.

amittawinSun Jan 12 2025

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relevant specific examples

Try to include more specific examples and data to back your arguments. This will strengthen your response and make it more convincing.

clear comprehensive ideas

Ensure all points are deeply explored to show a well-rounded understanding of the topic.

introduction conclusion

The introduction clearly states that the essay will discuss both sides of the argument.

logical structure

The essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs addressing each side of the argument.

supported main points

Coherent ideas throughout, with a fair balance in discussing both views before presenting an opinion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

336 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Materialism
Self-esteem
Peer pressure
Obesity
Creativity
Eating habits
Educational value
Moderating influence
Marketing strategies
Unhealthy snacks

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