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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the number of international applicants to the universities of one European country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of international applicants to the universities of one European country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar graph illustrates the average
number
Use synonyms
 of international
Use synonyms
students
Change the noun form
student
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 applicants to the universities in a certain region in
Europe
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that most of the applicants were from China at the start of the study;
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 declined in the
last
Linking Words
 period and was outnumbered by USA
students
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
 period.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Russia had the lowest
number
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 of
students
Use synonyms
 applying to become international
students
Use synonyms
 in one of the universities in
Europe
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. Approximately 27,000
chinese
Change the capitalization
Chinese
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students
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 applied for international studies in one of the universities in
Europe
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;
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 the
number
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 of candidates saw a decline every year,
ended
Wrong verb form
ending
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to
Change preposition
at
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 15000 in 2008.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the average applicants from the USA exhibited a modest
increased
Replace the word
increase
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 throughout the period from about 13000 in 2004 and approximately 27000 in the
last
Linking Words
 year. Looking more at the graph, the
number
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 of candidates from Japan almost remained stable from 2004 with less than 10000 until 2007.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it grew to 10000 in 2008,
while
Linking Words
 Russia had less than 5000
students
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 interested
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international studies in
Europe
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, students, europe with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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