IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that keeping pets is good for children while others think it is dangerous and unhealthy for them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion?

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In recent years, trending fostering and growth animals have become popular in the world. The question of whether keeping animals is harmful to newborns and toddlers.
While
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 some argue it’s completely safe for the health of children. In my opinion, I can only partially agree with the viewpoint and
this
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 essay will explore more about the above problem.
First,
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we can discuss harming children’s health when we keep them. There are a lot of reasons to talk about danger for children when we foster and grow animals. Standing in the people who hate dogs level, who witnessed tragedies when their offspring was damaged by dogs. It is so terrible and causes plenty of hurting in physics. In fact, a multitude of dogs don’t have vaccinated,
this
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 leads to they can get some diseases like madness syndromes or rabies syndromes.etc. They can damage anyone that they see.
For instance
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, in various countries, the government banned their citizen from taking their pets to popular places if the owner of the pets doesn’t have the vaccination for them.
On the other hand
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, we will talk about the positives and benefits, when we are keeping them. Standing in the people’s loving-animal perspective. If we can foster and grow them right the way, they are completely safe with humans.
This
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 can be seen,in a lot of countries that are encouraging their population to vaccinate their species, which helps them control their behaviours and has brought positives for humans.
For example
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, a multitude of pets are vaccinated, they are totally safe with children, special newborns and toddlers and they have become beloved by people more and more. In conclusion, whether keeping and growing them has truly been good or not depends on the perspective of each individual. We should have the right choice when feeding them.
Besides
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, the government should take a lot of suitable or sustainable policies and the purpose of creating a society better and better.

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introduction conclusion present
The essay needs a clear and concise introduction and conclusion. Try to include a thesis statement at the end of the introduction that outlines the main points of the essay. The conclusion should summarize the main arguments and restate the writer's opinion.
logical structure
Work on creating a more logical structure within the essay. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and all sentences should contribute to this idea. Use a variety of transitional phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
supported main points
While you provided examples and discussed both points of view, ensure that the points you present are fully developed and supported by specific details or examples. Increase the depth of analysis to better support the arguments.
complete response
You need to make sure that you address all parts of the task. Keep the essay balanced and ensure your own opinion is clearly stated and well supported.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop your ideas more fully to help the reader understand your points. This includes not only stating your opinion or fact but explaining the reasoning behind it and its significance. Here, this means delving deeper into how pets can benefit children or why they may be dangerous.
relevant specific examples
Include more specific examples that are relevant to your points. This will make your argument more convincing and lend credibility to your claims. Use statistics, studies, or anecdotal evidence to back up your statements.
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