In many parts od the world, children and teenagers are spending more and more of their time indoors. What do you think are the causes of this problem. What measures could be best to taken to solve it?

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Most young

people

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in many countries tend to do their

activities

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indoors.

This

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is because they have been exposed to the

internet

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, which prevents them from being active outdoors.

However

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, some approaches can be taken to address

this

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issue,

such

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as educational sessions that include various

activities

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. Young

persons

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people

show examples

will be satisfied using the

internet

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continuously because they can do everything easily without spending time outside.

This

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will lead to an addiction as they become overly attached to it for playing games and other addictive

activities

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Moreover

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, it can

also

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restrict them from interacting with their friends, which makes them rarely go outside since they do not have someone to play with.

For instance

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, a child in my

neighborhood

Change the spelling

neighbourhood

show examples

just wastes her time by watching online videos and surfing through social media because she is already obsessed with it, and she

also

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does not have any friends, which makes her reluctant to be physically active outside.

Furthermore

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, educational initiatives can be effective solutions to persuade young

people

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to be more active outside.

This

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can be done by sharing some knowledge about the drawbacks of being addicted to the

internet

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, which can increase their awareness and alter their habits gradually.

In addition

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, some interesting programs that involve outdoor

activities

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can be implemented in order to attract them more. A renowned community in Indonesia,

for example

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, often conducts sessions for young persons to learn more deeply about the

internet

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while

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engaging them in enjoyable games outside,

such

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as playing badminton, which makes them go outside more frequently

as well as

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enhances their understanding of the downsides of the

internet

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To conclude

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, the

internet

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plays a significant role in making young

people

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reluctant to go outside and socialize with other

people

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since they find it fulfilling.

Nevertheless

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, educational sessions can be a viable option, as if they are aware of its negative consequences and involved in outdoor

activities

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, they can overcome it more effectively.

hanalyaa29Mon Jan 13 2025

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task achievement

Ensure more nuanced exploration of the broader implications of increased indoor activity on children's physical and mental health for a more comprehensive response.

coherence cohesion

Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, enhancing the flow and readability of the essay.

coherence cohesion

Clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the essay and encapsulate the main ideas.

task achievement

Use of relevant specific examples, such as the Indonesian community initiative, strengthens the arguments presented.

coherence cohesion

Logical structure with clear paragraphs focusing on causes and solutions, which support the ideas presented effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

321 words

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In many parts od the world, children and teenagers are spending more and more of their time indoors. What do you think are the causes of this problem. What measures could be best to taken to solve it?

Your opinion

Some People have vehicle free days , banning cars,trucks and motorbikes in the city centre. Only buses , bicycles and taxis are permitted. Do the advantages outweigh the drawbacks.

Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures.This money should be spent instead on health education.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some companies give a higher salary to CEO than the common employees. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell food or drink that has been scientifically proved to be bad for people's health. Do you agree or disagree?

governments in many countries are urgently seeking Ways to reduce unemployment in rural areas. what which are the most effective ways to do this? measure do you think would be the single mast effective step that governments could take? .!