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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard for their study. What do you think the causes and what solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In many countries , younger make an effort to
study
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 hard under pressure without any spare
time
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 which causes lots of issues one of them
health
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 issues in order to address
this
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 situation students have to divide their
time
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 plus family support is needed.
To begin
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 with , spending excessive
time
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 studying can cause
health
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 concerns for younger
people
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 ,
such
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 as depression , anxiety and stress ,
for instance
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 , usually, when they start studying most of them stay alone in their room which can create a sort of isolation plus they
study
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 for a long
time
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 over 5 or 6 hours which in turn leads to chronic disease and after
while
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 they will feel ill . ,
in addition
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 to that, there were scientific studies showcased that
people
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 who got good marks had
health
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 issues , especially emotional and mental problems. Regarding tackling young
people
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's problems with their leisure period there are two main ways to handle these difficulties, students should divide and set a specific
time
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 to
study
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 every day plus give themselves a break between each hour just for 15 minutes and they have to be strict with the duration like after setting 4 hours they must stop and continue next day .
Moreover
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 , the student's family has to take
this
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 issue seriously and help their kids by encouraging them to go outdoors or offering to watch movies or play video games in order to make them engaged and change their mood . In conclusion , recently
this
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 issue has become worldwide,
therefore
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, young
people
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 should pay attention to their mental and emotional
health
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 by organizing and dividing the
time
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 between
study
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 and leisure
time
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.

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relevant specific examples
Try to use specific examples and real-life scenarios to better support your main points.
clear comprehensive ideas
Expand on some of the points for clearer understanding and impact.
supported main points
Link ideas in paragraphs more smoothly to improve cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively outlines the issue and the proposed solutions.
logical structure
Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the issue, providing a clear logical structure.
complete response
You recognize the importance of family support, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Leisure time
  • Pressure
  • Study
  • Competitive
  • Education system
  • High expectations
  • Parents
  • Society
  • Financial pressure
  • Flexible
  • School schedules
  • Work-life balance
  • Mental health support
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