Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful, but they are also likely to suffer from negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Certain individuals believe that nations with a long average
of
working Change preposition
apply
time
are more economically successful but it Use synonyms
also
brings negative effects to Linking Words
social
. From my perspective, I agree with Replace the word
society
this
statement.
On the one hand, working more Linking Words
time
can Use synonyms
brings
lots of Wrong verb form
bring
benefit
to boosting the economy. Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
This
is because the employees who work more Linking Words
time
will have higher income from their company, Use synonyms
they
will have a trend to purchase more to relax after a long term work. Correct word choice
and they
For example
, youngster in China always Linking Words
do
many extra Verb problem
work
hour
Change to a plural noun
hours
working
after they finish their "nine to five job" to earn more money, Verb problem
apply
thus
in the weekend they will go shopping all day to relax. Linking Words
This
is a popular trend not just Linking Words
in
Chinese Change preposition
among
people
, to buy more as a Use synonyms
relax
method after working for a long period. Replace the word
relaxing
That is
the reason why Linking Words
long
average working Correct article usage
a long
time
can Use synonyms
develops
the economy and Change the verb form
develop
makes
it successful.
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
However
, it Linking Words
also
Linking Words
makes
some disadvantages to Verb problem
creates
public
, pressure and Correct article usage
the public
competitive
. Replace the word
competition
This
is because many workforces who don't have enough strength to follow the "long average working Linking Words
time
" can have pressure from Use synonyms
deadline
or Fix the agreement mistake
deadlines
with
their manager. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, not working extra Linking Words
time
because their physical health can't afford it Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
bring
Change the verb form
brings
ability
of hate and competition in the work environment, in some Add an article
the ability
worst
Correct word choice
apply
case
, Fix the agreement mistake
cases
that
employees could be fired and become Correct word choice
apply
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
people
. So the statement that long average Use synonyms
time
on working can brings negative effect to some Use synonyms
people
, especially Use synonyms
people
that have not good health
In conclusion, I believe working more Use synonyms
time
can Use synonyms
brings
beneficial social by boosting the purchase of employees. In Change the verb form
bring
constrast
, the only withdrawal it Correct your spelling
contrast
make
is the effect Change the verb form
makes
to
the workforce that Change preposition
on
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
bod
strength and Correct your spelling
body
enhance
the risk Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
to be
Change preposition
of being
unemployers
Fix the agreement mistake
unemployer
because
the pressure and competition it Add the preposition
because of
make
.Change the verb form
makes
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frame your argument. However, each paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your points. Consider starting each main paragraph with a sentence that summarizes the key point you will discuss.
Task Achievement
While addressing the topic, it seems your essay could go further in exploring possible counterarguments or adding depth to the existing arguments for a more comprehensive response. Spend some time outlining how the economy benefits in more specific areas from longer working hours, or discuss more societal aspects that could be impacted.
Task Achievement
Be careful with grammar and vocabulary choices. Some sentences could be rephrased for clarity and precision. For example, instead of 'can brings many benefit,' you might say 'can bring many benefits.'
Coherence and Cohesion
Using transitional phrases between some sentences and ideas will enhance the logical flow of your essay. Look at the connections you are making and ask if adding transitional words would help your essay flow naturally. Terms like "furthermore," "on the contrary," or "as a result" can help.
Introduction
Your introduction does a good job at establishing the topic and setting up your viewpoint. It is concise and directly addresses the task prompt, which is exactly what you want to do in your opening paragraph.
Task Achievement
You've provided applicable examples to support your argument, such as the mention of Chinese work culture. Including specific examples is effective in demonstrating the practical implications of your points.
Conclusion
The conclusion ties back to your main points and reinforces your stance clearly, wrapping up your essay effectively.