Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful, but they are also likely to suffer from negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Certain individuals believe that nations with a long average

Change preposition

apply

show examples

working

time

Use synonyms

are more economically successful but it

also

Linking Words

brings negative effects to

social

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society

show examples

. From my perspective, I agree with

this

Linking Words

statement. On the one hand, working more

time

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can

brings

Wrong verb form

bring

show examples

lots of

benefit

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benefits

show examples

to boosting the economy.

This

Linking Words

is because the employees who work more

time

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will have higher income from their company,

they

Correct word choice

and they

show examples

will have a trend to purchase more to relax after a long term work.

For example

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, youngster in China always

Verb problem

work

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many extra

hour

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hours

show examples

working

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apply

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after they finish their "nine to five job" to earn more money,

thus

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in the weekend they will go shopping all day to relax.

This

Linking Words

is a popular trend not just

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among

show examples

Chinese

people

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, to buy more as a

relax

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relaxing

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method after working for a long period.

That is

Linking Words

the reason why

long

Correct article usage

a long

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average working

time

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can

develops

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develop

show examples

the economy and

makes

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make

show examples

it successful.

However

Linking Words

, it

also

Linking Words

makes

Verb problem

creates

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some disadvantages to

public

Correct article usage

the public

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, pressure and

competitive

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competition

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This

Linking Words

is because many workforces who don't have enough strength to follow the "long average working

time

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" can have pressure from

deadline

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deadlines

show examples

with

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apply

show examples

their manager.

For instance

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, not working extra

time

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because their physical health can't afford it

also

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bring

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brings

show examples

ability

Add an article

the ability

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of hate and competition in the work environment, in some

worst

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apply

show examples

case

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cases

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that

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apply

show examples

employees could be fired and become

unemployment

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unemployed

show examples

people

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. So the statement that long average

time

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on working can brings negative effect to some

people

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, especially

people

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that have not good health In conclusion, I believe working more

time

Use synonyms

can

brings

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bring

show examples

beneficial social by boosting the purchase of employees. In

constrast

Correct your spelling

contrast

, the only withdrawal it

make

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makes

show examples

is the effect

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show examples

the workforce that

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

bod

Correct your spelling

body

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strength and

enhance

Correct subject-verb agreement

enhances

show examples

the risk

to be

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of being

show examples

unemployers

Fix the agreement mistake

unemployer

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because

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because of

show examples

the pressure and competition it

make

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makes

show examples

linh.le0995Tue Jan 14 2025

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Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frame your argument. However, each paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your points. Consider starting each main paragraph with a sentence that summarizes the key point you will discuss.

Task Achievement

While addressing the topic, it seems your essay could go further in exploring possible counterarguments or adding depth to the existing arguments for a more comprehensive response. Spend some time outlining how the economy benefits in more specific areas from longer working hours, or discuss more societal aspects that could be impacted.

Task Achievement

Be careful with grammar and vocabulary choices. Some sentences could be rephrased for clarity and precision. For example, instead of 'can brings many benefit,' you might say 'can bring many benefits.'

Coherence and Cohesion

Using transitional phrases between some sentences and ideas will enhance the logical flow of your essay. Look at the connections you are making and ask if adding transitional words would help your essay flow naturally. Terms like "furthermore," "on the contrary," or "as a result" can help.

Introduction

Your introduction does a good job at establishing the topic and setting up your viewpoint. It is concise and directly addresses the task prompt, which is exactly what you want to do in your opening paragraph.

Task Achievement

You've provided applicable examples to support your argument, such as the mention of Chinese work culture. Including specific examples is effective in demonstrating the practical implications of your points.

Conclusion

The conclusion ties back to your main points and reinforces your stance clearly, wrapping up your essay effectively.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
35
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

299 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Average working time
Economically successful
Negative social consequences
Employee burnout
Competitive edge
Global markets
Consumer spending
Productivity
Work-life balance
Mental health issues
Community ties
Societal well-being

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