IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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These days, some children are really keen on spending hours on their smartphones in their daily lives.
This
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 topic is popular and common all over the world. In my opinion, I believe
this
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 trend is a negative development, it is because spending too much
time
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 on
phones
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 will have an effect on
health
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. On the one hand, kids will have less
time
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 to do sports. As far as we all know, there are all kinds of apps and
mediae
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media
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 in our daily lives,
such
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 as TiTok, BiliBili, Wechat and more. Children always use them to play games, watch films, listen to music, chat with friends, draw pictures and do whatever
you
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they
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 want.They will be addicted to mobile
phone
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phones
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. They will have less
time
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 to do sports or hang out with their families and friends to breathe some fresh air. It is a harmful action to their body
health
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 and mental
health
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, especially
the
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apply
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mental
health
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.
In addition
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, young people will rely too much on mobile
phones
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. Through the development of technology and science, there are a lot of apps and websites to help people research something to help them finish their assignments. Even some kids do not think about how to solve these problems in their homework, they use these apps to find
a
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the
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 right answer immediately. For a long
time
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, the youth will lose
an
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the
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 ability to solve problems by themselves. In conclusion, mobile
phones
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 can create so much comfort and convenience for
chlidren
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children
,
however
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 , children should use their
phones
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 in a healthy way. Parents and teachers should tell them not to be addicted to mobile
phones
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.

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task achievement
To enhance task response, consider discussing some positive aspects or potential benefits of smartphone usage among children before concluding that it is a negative development.
coherence cohesion
You can improve coherence by using transition words to connect ideas more smoothly between paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or anecdotes to clarify your points further and enhance the task achievement score.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies two main reasons why children spend hours on smartphones and argues why this is a negative development.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure and flow of the essay are easy to follow, with a clear introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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