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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below shows the number of students at a primary school and a secondary school in Malaysia in 2005. The chart show survey results of what these students favourite sport was.

The table below shows the number of students at a primary school and a secondary school in Malaysia in 2005. The chart show survey results of what these students favourite sport was.
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The graphs illustrate the data of how many people study at primary and secondary
school
Use synonyms
 and their preferences of doing which type of sport .
Overall
Linking Words
 , the number of secondary
school
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students
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 is more than primary
school
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students
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.Among primary
school
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students
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 , tennis is the most popular sport
while
Linking Words
 secondary
school
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students
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tendency
Replace the word
tend
show examples
of playing
Change preposition
to play
show examples
 football. To be more specific , there are
appoximoly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 a total of one hundred and sixteen thousand
students
Use synonyms
 at primary and secondary
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
.Among them ,73000
students
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at
Add a missing verb
were at
show examples
 primary
school
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 and 91000
at
Add a missing verb
were at
show examples
 secondary
school
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, 40% of
students
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 like tennis and football in primary and secondary
school
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 respectively.
In
Change preposition
Conversely
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conversely
Linking Words
 ,there are only 5 per cent of primary and secondary
school
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students
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 like ruby
.
Correct your spelling
Also
also
Linking Words
, swimming and tennis are the less common sports in
school
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.15 per cent of
students
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 like basketball in primary
school
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 , the number is almost doubled in secondary
school
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 which is 35 per cent

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words school, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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