IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 hold a strong belief that cutting-edge devices have brought society to communicate with each other, but others say that it will keep us apart. From my observation, I suppose that modern automation can push us
further
Linking Words
 apart On the one hand, I believe that when
people
Use synonyms
 hang out to shoot the breeze they can easily understand each other better
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they can see the emotions of
people
Use synonyms
 around.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if society wastes their
time
Use synonyms
 enjoying modern technology, they can lose their relationships.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays, the young generation spends too much
time
Use synonyms
 on their technology to text and chat with friends, and
as a result
Linking Words
, the youngsters will become insensitive toward family.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, when
people
Use synonyms
 reduce their
time
Use synonyms
 to use phones to enjoy outdoor activities or charity activities, it can help them communicate with more friends and have more good relationships.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 use cutting-edge devices to contact will become easy because they can talk everywhere and it will help
people
Use synonyms
 save
time
Use synonyms
. By the way,
instead
Linking Words
 of having to go to coffee shops to meet each other,
people
Use synonyms
 can use their phones to chat with friends right at home,
this
Linking Words
 approach will help the young generation save money in a reasonable way. In conclusion, I still have a strong belief that modern technology will have driven us apart and it can make the

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Try to formulate a more distinct introduction and conclusion to provide a clear overview and summary of your essay.
supported main points
Improve on providing well-rounded supporting arguments with examples that illustrate your points more clearly.
logical structure
Work on enhancing the flow between paragraphs and make sure each paragraph connects logically to the next.
complete response
The essay successfully outlines both viewpoints about modern technology bringing people together and driving them apart.
relevant specific examples
Utilizes examples such as young people using technology for communication to emphasize points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
What to do next:
Look at other essays: