IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of the fear of crime. Why do you think people are so fearful these days? Do the merits of such a cautious approach outweigh the demerits?

#people #homes #fear #crime #merits #approach #demerits
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Public
Add an article
The public
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do
Change the verb form
does
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 not go out
from
Change preposition
of
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 their houses as they
are being scare
Change the verb form
are being scared
are scaring
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 of
to be
Verb problem
becoming
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 a victim, and technology plays a crucial role
behind
Change preposition
in
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it
Correct pronoun usage
this
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. I believe that the advantages of
such
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protection
Correct article usage
a protection
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 approach outweigh the disadvantages. The media plays a significant role in shaping public perception of
crime
Use synonyms
, often exaggerating incidents through television and newspapers, making
crime
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 seem more prevalent than it actually is.
Moreover
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, advancements in technology and connectivity mean that people have greater access to news from around the world, which can include
crime
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 reports that contribute to a heightened sense of fear.
For instance
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, the lack of personal experience with
crime
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 can lead to greater fear, as people often fear the unknown or what they do not understand. Social pressure and communal stories about
crime
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 may amplify personal insecurities and fears, creating
a
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apply
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shared anxiety within communities.
Also
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,preventative measures
such
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 as staying inside to avoid
crime
Use synonyms
 can lead to a diminished quality of life, stress, and limited social interactions, which could outweigh the benefits of being cautious.
For example
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, in some situations, being overly cautious may lead to missing out on opportunities and experiences which are crucial for personal growth and happiness.
To conclude
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, by exercising caution and awareness, individuals could protect themselves from genuine threats, leading to increased safety and security.
Submitted by sanjanasharma1905 on

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, your essay could benefit from additional specific examples and a more complete exploration of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Try to integrate sentences more smoothly to improve the logical flow and support the main points adequately.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear, providing a good framework for your arguments.
task achievement
You have touched on relevant aspects of public fear related to crime and technology.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fear of crime
  • public perception
  • media influence
  • exaggerated incidents
  • technology and connectivity
  • heightened sense of fear
  • lack of personal experience
  • social pressure
  • communal stories
  • preventative measures
  • diminished quality of life
  • limited social interactions
  • being cautious
  • opportunities and experiences
  • personal growth
  • exercise caution
  • genuine threats
  • safety and security
  • shared anxiety
  • heightened fear
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