IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph below gives information on the number of participants for different activities at one social center in melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make com[arison where relevant.

the graph below gives information on the number of participants for different activities at one social center in melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make com[arison where relevant.
#information #participants #activities #center #melbourne #australia #period #summarise #features #com[arison
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Through the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 graphs about the information that was given on the numerical of candidates for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for a range of
years
Use synonyms
 from 2000 to 2020.
Firstly
Linking Words
 we
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 identify that
Film
Correct article usage
the Film
show examples
 club has the most participants throughout these twenty
years
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 martial arts have approximately 30
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to 40
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 interested
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 participating,
Linking Words
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
show examples
 amateur dramatics
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
 had
drop
Add an article
a drop
show examples
 to the lowest
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2020,
while
Linking Words
 the table tennis candidates that have the second lowest
people
Use synonyms
 who join suddenly increased throughout the year and have the second most
people
Use synonyms
 that participated in that activities.
Although
Linking Words
 in the first 5
Use synonyms
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 musical performance has no interest in joining eventually it rises up from year
per
Change preposition
to
show examples
 year.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can notice that
Film
Correct article usage
the Film
show examples
 club has the first
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
number of
people
Use synonyms
 who had
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
 through
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 20
years
Use synonyms
 and
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the least of person who has
hobby
Add an article
a hobby
show examples
Submitted by lydiaia on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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