IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Too much money is spent on looking after repairing olg buildings. They should be knocked down and we should build modern insteads. Do you agree or disagree?

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A large amount of funds is spent on refurbishing old
buildings
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. Many people think that these constructions should be eliminated and we should construct new modern
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instead
Correct pronoun usage
ones instead
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. I completely disagree with
this
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 notion because these
buildings
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 hold the city's
culture
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 and
history
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 and
also
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 they play a vital role in enhancing tourism. The main reason for looking after these ancient constructions
such
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 as churches, bridges and even old houses is the preserve our heritage and
culture
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. These artefacts which were built in the pre-renaissance era capture the ability of our ancestors to construct astonishing
buildings
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.
As a result
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, if these archaeological sites are knocked down, our
history
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 and
culture
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 will definitely impacted;
hence
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 why the government and people should implement a massive effort to preserve these old
buildings
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, which in turn gives them a chance to maintain their
culture
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 and heritage.
This
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 not only impacts our
history
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 but
also
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 increases our sense of belonging.
Additionally
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, more and more people become interested in the historical background of each country.
For example
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, many tourists today prefer to visit the city's archaeological locations to improve their knowledge about the
history
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 of the nation they visited. So, the amount of tourism for ancient cities,
for instance
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, Roma, London, and Paris has significantly increased,
this
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 will lead to an increase in the income of the city.
Therefore
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, preserving old
buildings
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 plays an essential role in increasing the country's economy. In conclusion, I disagree with the removal of archaeological sites because they hold our
history
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 and shape our
culture
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, by knocking them down, we will lose our heritage and sense of belonging.
Moreover
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, old
buildings
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 could increase the number of tourists in the cities that have renowned artefacts which in turn could lead to an improvement in the country's economy.

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task achievement
Consider expanding your argument by discussing potential challenges or counterarguments to preserving old buildings. This could present a more balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a clear link between your main points and examples, ensuring they are clearly tied to the overall argument of enhancing tourism and preserving heritage.
coherence cohesion
Try to introduce more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to make your essay even more compelling and engaging.
logical structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.
relevant specific examples
You effectively used examples of cities like Rome, London, and Paris to support your point on tourism.
task achievement
The essay addresses all aspects of the task, providing a comprehensive argument against demolishing old buildings for new constructions.
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