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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is generally accepted that working part-time to earn money as a teenager is essential. While this activity may educate youngsters the basics of working and discipline, it can also affect their resting time. Thus, this essay will discuss both views

#money #teenager #activity #youngsters #basics #discipline #time
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In
this
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 contemporary world, working part-
time
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 as a teenager to earn money brings plenty of challenges and learning for them which is conducive
for
Change preposition
to
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 their growth. It is argued that
this
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 activity assists youngsters in the basic ethics of working culture, it can
also
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 affect
in
Change preposition
apply
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their leisure
time
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 in which they can learn skills for their bright future.
This
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 essay will explain both views with my opinion in the following paragraphs. It is true that working after school is essential to teach students about the working environment where they can learn professionalism.
For instance
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, pupils are mostly spending their
time
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 with family or friends and they cannot help out in understanding them regarding
work
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 ethics.
Consequently
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, it prepares them to
work
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 in a professional atmosphere which is beneficial for their future.
Moreover
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, teenagers can
also
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 learn
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time
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 management skills
while
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 working and studying together.
Therefore
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, it fosters their ability to be multi-tasker
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 them superior and confident.
Nevertheless
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, some people believe it
quite
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is quite
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 challenging for youngsters to manage both
work
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 and studies resulting in stress.
For instance
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, during their exams, students get worried about their assignments and studies when they have to
work
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 at the same
time
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.
Hence
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, it affects their mental and physical health which can cause anxiety and depression.
In addition
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, there are numerous teenagers who spend their leisure
time
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 enhancing their skills rather than working
part
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part-time
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time
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. It boosts their development and encourages them to learn something innovative to get
benefit
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the benefit
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 of it for the future. In conclusion,
although
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 working
part -
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part-time
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time
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 can help in managing finances and
time
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, it creates pressure on children which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 them unstable and mentally ill.
As a result
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, they are not able to focus on their academics and end up facing anxiety and stress issues.
Submitted by harmeetkohli31 on

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task achievement
Make sure to provide clear examples or evidence for each point. Consider further developing your points with specific examples or statistics where possible.
coherence cohesion
Try to make the sentence structures more varied and cohesive to enhance readability and flow. For instance, using linking words or phrases will help improve the coherence.
introduction
Your introduction is clear and offers a balanced view of the topic, well setting up the discussion.
logical structure
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides, and a conclusion.
supported main points
The main points of the essay are generally well-supported and explained, showing an understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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