IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternatives medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor . Do you think this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for you answer and include any relevant examples form you knowledge or experience.

#people #health #alternatives #medicines #treatments #doctor #development #form
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ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE CAN PROVIDE OPTIONS FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NOT FOUND RELIEF THROUGH CONVENTIONAL METHODS. IN MY
OPINION
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OPINION,
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 IT IS BETTER TO VISIT THE
DOCTOR
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 FOR THE TREATMENT IN RECENT TIMES ,
POPULATION
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THE POPULATION
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 HAS BEEN GROWING SIGNIFICANTLY WHICH RESULTED IN VARIOUS
HEALTH
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 PROBLEMS
DUE TO
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 VARIOUS REASONS
SUCH
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 AS FOOD WATER AND CLIMATE. EARLIER
PEOPLE
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 USED TO CURE THE
DESEASE
Correct your spelling
DISEASE
 THROUGH THE BYPRODUCTS OF NATURE,WHERE THERE WAS NO HOSPITALITY.
ALTHOUGH
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 SOME DISEASES CAN BE CURED BY THEMSELVES
Linking Words
WHILE
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apply
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THE
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apply
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OTHERS
CANNOT
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CAN
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.
TO BEGIN
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WITH
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WITH,
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 THE PROS OF TRYING DIFFERENT
APPROACH
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APPROACHES
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 TO CURE THE DISEASE
IS
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ARE
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,
IT
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THAT IT
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 IS CONVENIENT AND AFFORDABLE . MANY
MIDDLE CLASS
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MIDDLE-CLASS
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 FAMILIES ARE BENIFICIAL BY PRACTICING ALTERNATE THERAPIES
WHILE
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 THE POOR CANNOT BECAUSE THEY MIGHT NOT BE AWARE OF THE TECHNIQUES AND
SOLUTION
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SOLUTIONS
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 TO THE
PROBLEM
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.GENERAL
HEALTH
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 PROBLEMS
SUCH
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 AS FEVER,COLD,COUGH,BODY STRAINS AND OTHER MINOR ISSUES CAN BE EASILY TREATED AT HOME USING AFFORDABLE REMEDIES WITHOUT VISITING THE
DOCTOR
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 AS THESE
HEALTH
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 PROBLEMS ARE NOT CONSIDERED TO BE SERIOUS,
WHILE
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 THE OTHER ISSUES
CANNOT
Verb problem
CAN
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 BE TREATED. ON THE ONE HAND,
PEOPLE
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 BE AWARE OF THE GENERAL
HOME BASED
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HOME-BASED
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 REMEDIES TO TREAT THE
PROBLEM
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 .
GOVERNMENT
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THE GOVERNMENT
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 SHOULD CONDUCT AWARENESS CAMPAIGNS ON
HEALTH
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 AND ISSUES
REALTED
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RELATED
 TO IT,SO,THAT EACH INDIVIDUAL CAN HAVE THE MINIMUM KNOWLEDGE REGARDING IT . IT IS IMPORTANT TO KNOW THE IMPORTANCE OF
HEALTH
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 AND BALANCED DIET.
FOR
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INSTANCE
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INSTANCE,
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 PM MODI IN INDIA HAS LAUNCHED AROGYA STALL IN EVERY VILLAGE TO PROVIDE AFFORDALE MEDICINES TO THE
PEOPLE
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.
ONE
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ON
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 THE OTHER HAND , THERE IS
ALSO
Linking Words
 CONS OF NOT VISITING THE
DOCTOR
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.EACH
INDIVUAL
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INDIVIDUAL
 MAY OR
MAYNOT
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MAY NOT
 HAVE THE IDEA OF THE
PROBLEM
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 .SO,IT IS BETTER TO CONSULT THE
DOCTOR
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 AND HAVE THE RIGHT MEDICATION BEFORE IT MIGHT TURN SEVERE. IN
FEW
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A FEW
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 CASES
PEOPLE
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 MAY DIE BECAUSE OF LACK OF TREATMENT AND IN
SUCH
Linking Words
 CASES NO APPROACHES WORK.
GOVERNMENT
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THE GOVERNMENT
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 SHOULD EXPAND ITS HOSPITALITY AND PROVIDE THE BEST
IN RANGE
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IN-RANGE
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 TREATMENTS TO THE PUBLIC. IN MY CONCLUSION,
IT IS CLEAR THAT
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 THERE
MANY
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ARE MANY
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 PROS AND CONS OF TRYING DIFFERENT METHODS TO CURE THE
PROBLEM
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. IN MOST OF THE CASES IT IS BETTER TO VISIT THE HOSPITAL.
Submitted by sunnyyenugandula on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay provides a detailed response to all parts of the question. In your essay, there are references to alternative medicine and the reasons why some people opt for it, but these points could be developed in more depth to fully address the given task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your essay logically, ensuring that your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next. Clearer paragraph transitions and topic sentences would help your essay be more cohesive.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with specific examples and evidence. Your essay would benefit from more detailed examples or case studies to illustrate your points, especially in terms of the benefits and drawbacks of alternative medicine. This would enhance the clarity and relevance of your argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses a relevant global issue, and you have made a clear effort to present both the pros and cons of using alternative medicine instead of visiting a regular doctor.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and provides a personal viewpoint on the issue.
Task Achievement
You highlight some important aspects, such as the importance of consultancy with doctors and government initiatives like PM Modi's Arogya Stalls, which adds value to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicine
  • holistic approach
  • conventional methods
  • placebo effect
  • healthcare accessibility
  • scientific research
  • traditional medicine
  • holistic health
  • treatment effectiveness
  • safety concerns
What to do next:
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