IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

#countries #students #study #science #effects #society
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Nowadays, a small number of
students
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 in many nations are choosing to
study
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science
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 subject.
This
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 is because there are many
neiw
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new
fields
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 of
study
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 that
students
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 become interested in and
this
Linking Words
 will have a negative effect on our society as there will be no sufficient scientific inventions.
Students
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 are choosing to
study
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 new
fields
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 which become a trend these days. The advancement in technology in our world leads many
students
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 to
study
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 computers, technology, AI and cybersecurity
fields
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 because there is a strong demand for them in jobs and they pay higher than
other
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in other
show examples
fields
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.
For example
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, a survey at Hail University showed that most of the
students
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 specialized in the security field because it is new and many companies in Saudi Arabia looking for graduate people who specialized in
this
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 field to hire them. The choice of
students
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 to
study
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 subjects other than
science
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 causes a decline in scientific
innovations
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because most of the
innovations
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 in our world came from those who had the interest to
study
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science
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 and when
this
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 interest is no longer there anymore, there will be a decrease in advanced
innovations
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 in
this
Linking Words
 world.
For instance
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, most of the inventions come from Japan because most
of
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apply
show examples
Add an article
the Japaniese
show examples
Japaniese
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Japanese
students
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stil
Correct your spelling
still
 have
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 interest
to
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in studying
show examples
study
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 scientific subjects. In conclusion, most of today's
students
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 are choosing to
study
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 subjects other than
science
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 because of the release of new majors at universities and the
jobs
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job
show examples
 requirements of qualifications in new
fields
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 of technology which have led to fewer
innovations
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years.
Submitted by sam  on

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task achievement
While your essay presents a complete response to the task, try to delve deeper into the causes and effects by providing a broader range of examples and potential impacts on different facets of society.
coherence cohesion
Consider integrating more connective phrases or linking words to create smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas, which will enhance the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses both the reasons why students may not choose to study science and the potential impacts of this trend on society.
coherence cohesion
You begin and conclude your essay with clear, concise statements that provide a strong framework for your discussion.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the survey at Hail University and the situation in Japan, strongly support the main points of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math)
  • Perception of difficulty
  • Early exposure
  • Engaging experiences
  • Career opportunities
  • Practical applications
  • Financial constraints
  • Cultural norms
  • Critical fields
  • Innovation
  • Economic development
  • Global competitiveness
  • Public health
  • Environmental issues
  • Scientific progress
  • Educational standards
  • Biodiversity loss
  • Healthcare services
  • Medical research
  • Job prospects
  • Research and technology
What to do next:
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