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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries an increasing number of peope are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for goverments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. to what extent do you agree or disgree with this opinion?

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Nowadays, a high proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 consume fast
food
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 around the globe.
This
Linking Words
 has caused some severe
health
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 problems for these
people
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. Everyone loves fast
food
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 because it is delicious.
Additionally
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,
people
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 can save
time
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 preparing
food
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 for their
children
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, especially workaholic parents. From
general
Correct article usage
the general
show examples
 public, The policy-makers should increase the amount of
tax
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of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 greasy and unhealthy
food
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 in order to prevent individuals
to eat
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from eating
show examples
junk-
Correct your spelling
junk food
show examples
food
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. First of all, It is
neccesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to mention that a higher
tax
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 shall be imposed on fast
food
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 because the
health
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 of the citizens must be the
proiority
Correct your spelling
priority
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the government,
thus
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 they can
strenghten
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strengthen
 both
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
show examples
 and physical
health
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 of each and every citizen.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a person consumes fast
food
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 on a daily basis , he is likely to face the problem of obesity after a
while
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, followed by high blood pressure and high cholesterol. With the
health
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 problems suffered, he is likely to be the worker with the lowest productivity. It will affect the economy of the country
as a result
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.
Secondly
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, fast
food
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 can impact
people
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’s choices when choosing what
food
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 to consume.
People
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 undeniably decide to bolt the junk
food
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 down just because it is cheaper, easily affordable, and can be prepared within minutes. With an increased
tax
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 imposed,
people
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 will not choose these foods as the cost of consuming fast
food
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 will burden their expenditures.
Consequently
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,
people
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 will prefer home-cooked
food
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, which is much healthier and cheaper and there is always
Correct article usage
a gaurentee
show examples
gaurentee
Correct your spelling
guarantee
 for the quality of these kinds of
food
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.
However
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, it seems that imposing a
tax
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 on fast
food
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 will not reduce the number of
people
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 suffering from
health
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 problems. The
fast-
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food
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advertisements
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 telecasted on multimedia,
such
Linking Words
 as television, could be a reason for
people
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 to consume fast
food
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. As
fast-
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food
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advertisements
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 are often relayed during dinner
time
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,
children
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 are attracted to the images of fried chicken. The result is that
children
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 will ask their parents to
bring
Verb problem
take
show examples
 them to
fast-
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food
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 restaurants and enjoy the meals there. It explains why
children
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 face
health
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 hazards at a younger age.
Therefore
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, governments limit the
time
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 of fast
food
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advertisements
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 broadcast on television. The
advertisements
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 should be beamed at midnight
instead
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 of at
dinner
Correct your spelling
dinnertime
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time
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. In conclusion,
Although
Linking Words
 consuming
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fast-
Correct your spelling
fast food
show examples
food
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is
Verb problem
has
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 dramatically
being
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased and become popular with
awide
Correct your spelling
a wide
 range of
people
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, I wholeheartedly subscribe to the idea that the government should
imposed
Change the verb form
impose
show examples
 the rule not
for avoiding
Change preposition
to avoid
show examples
people
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 who are eating snacks but
for restricting
Change preposition
to restrict
show examples
 the
advertisements
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 on
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 shows or social media.

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Task Response
To improve task achievement, ensure that every argument in your essay is clearly backed up with specific examples and reasons. Address any counterarguments to strengthen your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on developing a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph should flow smoothly into the next with coherent transitions. Consider using linking words to enhance cohesion.
Task Response
Your introduction clearly sets the scene and presents your viewpoint on the topic effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion successfully reaffirms your standpoint. This helps in maintaining a balanced structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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