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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
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Urbanization has happened in many parts of the world, impacting the number of the population in rural
areas
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. In my opinion, I contend that
this
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 phenomenon will lead to negative points because people will be disadvantaged by living in a
city
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 and the countryside will be endangered. The population in the
city
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 will be denser since more individuals opt to live there, which causes more problems. The environment will be harmed because green spaces will be replaced by housing
areas
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, as the demand for housing
areas
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 will be increasing.
Thus
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, less fresh
air
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 will be available, which can eventually result in
air
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 pollution.
For instance
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, in China, many parks are demolished and used for constructing high-tall buildings,
such
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 as apartments.
Consequently
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, the environment has become unhealthy
due to
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 fewer trees and clean
areas
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, which can negatively affect people’s wellness since they will hardly inhale healthy
air
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.
Furthermore
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, individuals who still reside in the countryside will struggle to survive, as their villages will stop thriving, resulting in abandonment.
This
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 is because there will be fewer job opportunities, which makes more people strive to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their basic needs, and
then
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 they will decide to abandon their villages and move to urban
areas
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 for
a jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
a job
jobs
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. One village in Indonesia,
for example
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, once a flourishing area, has gradually lost its existence
as a result
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 of a substantial decrease in the number of inhabitants and become poorly maintained,
while
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 it truly has potential and can be utilized for agriculture,
however
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, people have relocated and tried to pursue other opportunities in the
city
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.
To conclude
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, I believe that leaving the countryside will certainly lead to downsides for both rural and urban
areas
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 since it will significantly damage the ecological aspects of the
city
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,
such
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 as
air
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 pollution, and make more villages become neglected and forgotten.
Submitted by hanalyaa29 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
You have provided logical arguments and a clear response to the task. However, try to improve logical transitions between some of the paragraphs for better flow.
Task Achievement
While your ideas are generally clear and you have supported them with examples, consider providing a broader range of perspectives to better explore the positive and negative aspects.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, effectively setting the context and summarizing your argument.
Task Achievement
You have provided specific examples, such as the one from Indonesia, which adds relevance and depth to your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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