IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some think dangerous extreme sports such as skydiving and rock climbing should be banned. To what extend do you agree or disagree

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In
this
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 modern era, all individuals are keen to do adventurous things in their lives to show their daring side and to show themselves cool. There are a number of risky
sports
Use synonyms
 like skydiving and
rock
Use synonyms
 climbing are considered as a negative impact in some
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
show examples
 eyes. I partially agree with the given statement, which will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs.
Firstly
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, a myriad of
people
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 are suffering from unemployment which leads to poverty, inadequate medical treatment and fewer education facilities.
However
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, adventurous
sports
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 like skydiving and
rock
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 climbing give rise to some job opportunities. It does not solely benefit the needy one
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 generates income in the economy.
For instance
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, these
sports
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 involve a number of job duties like giving tickets, checking personal information ,
photo
Correct word choice
and photo
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 IDs and maintenance for all the machines and equipment on a regular basis. For all of these, there is a need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 different individuals to perform
such
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 roles.
Secondly
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, some mankind have
Correct article usage
a
show examples
fear
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 of heights. These activities can help to overcome
such
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fear
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.
For instance
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, if an individual is struggling with height phobia
then
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 they could never get the opportunity to reduce their
fear
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.But, these
sports
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 can make a
person
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 jump on an opportunity like skydiving and
rock
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climing
Correct your spelling
climbing
 because of proper rules and regulations.
This
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 will ultimately allow them to face that
fear
Use synonyms
 with
such
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 confidence.
On the other hand
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, saving money is the most significant thing to secure a better future. There are more chances of uncertainty in later on life. Just to tackle those risks easily,
people
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 need to stop spending on unwanted things. Adventurous
sports
Use synonyms
 can be one of those, where
people
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 are spending money like water just for a few minutes of fun. Rather than
this
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, they can utilize that part of earning on those
sports
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 which are useful like swimming and many more.
Moreover
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, these activities are quite risky. It can cause permanent injury or death.
For example
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, if a
person
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 is doing skydiving or
rock
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 climbing. The chances
os
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 risk involved
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 higher because
Use synonyms
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 life is totally dependent on
such
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equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
. If anything is mishandled,
then
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 there is no chance of saving their life. Even though, they have
sign on
Wrong verb form
signed
show examples
 the document in which they have to declare themselves responsible for any kind of mishappening.
To conclude
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, there are a number of
sports
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 activities. But, every
person
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 has a different perspective towards them. Some
people
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 want some thrill
while
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 others are more conscious of doing any
such
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 activity. It totally depends on a
person
Use synonyms
's choice so, every activity needs to be encouraged whether it's adventurous or less risky.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure to provide more specific examples and explanations that directly relate to your main arguments. This will strengthen your response and demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen coherence by ensuring a smooth flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Use transition words to better connect your various points, allowing readers to follow your line of reasoning more easily.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and maintain the reader’s interest. This will also help in clearly conveying complex ideas.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of adventurous sports, reflecting a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the context and outlines the broad argument, while the conclusion succinctly summarizes the essay’s main points.
task achievement
The essay attempts to incorporate examples to support the arguments, adding depth to the discussion.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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