It is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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If still possible, the old
people
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are recommended to keep working until they are incapable of it.
Besides
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, I strongly agree with
this
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statement because of some reasons like keeping both their physical and mental
health
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. In
this
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essay, I will explain both reasons with the relevant examples.
Firstly
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, continuing their job can help maintain their body
health
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. Some jobs
such
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as gardener,
as well as
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driver, are still can be done by older
people
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. They will keep on moving and walking in order to do those activities.
For example
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, a recent study proves that
people
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who are still working in their old age have fewer
health
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problems and live longer as well.
Secondly
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, their mental
health
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will
also
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stay positive.
Instead
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of just staying at home without nobody talking with them, they can meet and chat with plenty of
people
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at work.
This
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treat will keep their mind and memories healthy.
For instance
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, a recent study says that dementia diseases can be cured by having a lot of conversations with friends and family. In conclusion, there are several benefits from continuing the old
people
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's jobs
such
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as improving mental and physical
health
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. I believe some jobs will still fit them like the gardener, the driver, and the cleaning service. It will
also
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be useless if they just stop their activities and stay at home because no one in their house will accompany or monitor them. Their friends at work can help them not only just by being friends but
also
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their guardians.
Submitted by dorima on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, try to organize your ideas more clearly, perhaps by clearly separating paragraphs for each main reason and ensuring each point flows logically to the next. Using linking phrases can help to signpost your argument more clearly.
task achievement
Ensure each point is fully developed and clear. In some instances, your ideas could be expanded further to provide a deeper understanding of the points raised, and more specific examples could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors, as they can sometimes impact clarity, but remember, these small inaccuracies won't significantly affect your score if your overall ideas are clear.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frames your essay and makes your position clear from the beginning.
task achievement
You successfully identified and explained two main benefits of older people continuing work, which directly addresses the question prompt.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive decline
  • Mental and emotional well-being
  • Social interaction
  • Financial stability
  • Sense of purpose
  • Self-worth
  • Physical health
  • Skill utilization
  • Experience
  • Flexible working hours
  • Generational gap
  • Elderly individuals
  • Retirement
  • Workplace
  • Economic contribution
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