IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others believe that people should be free to do any sports or activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sports #activities
Over recent years, bloody
sports
 have been increasingly debatable in today’s society. There is no doubt that they have potentially negative impacts on
players
.
While
 contested by a large group of proponents that these types of
sports
 should be forbidden, others believe that no one has the right to take
sports
players
’ freedom in partaking in them.
Therefore
,
this
 essay will delineate several reasons against and in favour of
this
 viewpoint. In light of potential risks, a group of individuals raise their concerns that dangerous
sports
 activities will put
players
 in danger. These risks, of course, are relevant to physical and mental health,
such
 as broken bones and serious injuries. Even more severe is death which leaves incurable pain in the partakers’ families. A typical example here is three suffocated diving
players
 who did not receive any strict training before getting involved in
this
 sport in South Africa.
On the other hand
, partaking in these sorts of
sports
 is not the worst thing at all. At the core of
this
 matter, risky
sports
 more often than not motivate
players
’ boldness and adventurous spirit, which urges them to step out of their comfort zones.
As a result
, they will be able to gain unforgettable experiences of what they have gone through. In conclusion,
although
 the idea of banning risky
sports
 seems unacceptable to a group of
players
due to
 their benefits, it is still regarded as a potential danger for detrimental influences. From my perspective,
players
 should take what
sports
 they get involved in into tactful account before making any decisions.
Submitted by aitam.dothi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure to directly and clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion to strengthen your argument. This makes the reader understand your stance from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to better link ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of the essay.
task response
To elevate your essay further, include more specific examples and evidence to back up your arguments. This can add credibility and depth to your writing.
general
Review and revise for any grammatical errors or awkward phrasing, as polishing language accuracy improves clarity and engagement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: