IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others believe that people should be free to do any sports or activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sports #activities
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Over recent years, bloody
sports
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 have been increasingly debatable in today’s society. There is no doubt that they have potentially negative impacts on
players
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.
While
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 contested by a large group of proponents that these types of
sports
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 should be forbidden, others believe that no one has the right to take
sports
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players
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’ freedom in partaking in them.
Therefore
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,
this
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 essay will delineate several reasons against and in favour of
this
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 viewpoint. In light of potential risks, a group of individuals raise their concerns that dangerous
sports
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 activities will put
players
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 in danger. These risks, of course, are relevant to physical and mental health,
such
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 as broken bones and serious injuries. Even more severe is death which leaves incurable pain in the partakers’ families. A typical example here is three suffocated diving
players
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 who did not receive any strict training before getting involved in
this
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 sport in South Africa.
On the other hand
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, partaking in these sorts of
sports
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 is not the worst thing at all. At the core of
this
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 matter, risky
sports
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 more often than not motivate
players
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’ boldness and adventurous spirit, which urges them to step out of their comfort zones.
As a result
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, they will be able to gain unforgettable experiences of what they have gone through. In conclusion,
although
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 the idea of banning risky
sports
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 seems unacceptable to a group of
players
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due to
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 their benefits, it is still regarded as a potential danger for detrimental influences. From my perspective,
players
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 should take what
sports
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 they get involved in into tactful account before making any decisions.
Submitted by aitam.dothi on

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task response
Ensure to directly and clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion to strengthen your argument. This makes the reader understand your stance from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to better link ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of the essay.
task response
To elevate your essay further, include more specific examples and evidence to back up your arguments. This can add credibility and depth to your writing.
general
Review and revise for any grammatical errors or awkward phrasing, as polishing language accuracy improves clarity and engagement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public safety
  • strain on public health resources
  • individual freedom
  • autonomy
  • personal growth
  • resilience
  • sense of accomplishment
  • proper regulations
  • safety measures
  • economic benefits
  • revenue from tourism
  • hosting events
  • injuries
  • fatalities
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