IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The movements of people from the villages to the cities for work has caused a lot of problems in both places. What are the serious problems associated with this? What measures can be taken to solve these problems?

#movements #people #villages #cities #work #places #measures
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Travelling from the villages to the
cities
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 for
work
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 seems to create a lot of trouble in both places. Many
people
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 across the world,
however
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, do not choose or do not have a chance to
work
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 locally so they need to travel from the
village
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 to the big
cities
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.
This
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 essay will discuss why
this
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 might be the case and how
this
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 problem can be solved. The reason for travelling to the
cities
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 for
work
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 seems to be quite simple.
Firstly
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, a lack of
jobs
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 and offices built in larger developed areas.
People
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,
therefore
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 generally choose to find a place for
work
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 in the
cities
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 because of the lack of
jobs
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 in the
village
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. Moving forward, the infrastructure and public
transport
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 are another main reason for causing problems when travelling. Because of the number of cars, being on time at
work
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 can really be a problem and
also
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 to get ready, could take more time than it should take. To encourage
people
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 to stay and
work
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 in the
village
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, building more offices and more
jobs
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 available are required, if
people
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 have more choices when it comes to working in the
village
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instead
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 of
cities
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, they will stop travelling for
work
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 and they will remain in the
village
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. At the same time, if
transport
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 is another main problem, we should improve the urban structure and public
transport
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. A good start is to make a special route to avoid the traffic and build more bus stations near
people
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's houses.
To conclude
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, the lack of
jobs
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 and infrastructure, plus public
transport
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 seems to be the main issue when is about to travel into the
cities
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 from villages.
Submitted by atomoiaga46 on

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task achievement
It's beneficial to expand further on the problems and solutions you've mentioned by including more specific examples and evidence. This would make your points more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance cohesion, try using a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Although your essay has a logical structure, more sophisticated connectives could improve the flow of ideas.
structure
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion succinctly wraps up the essay.
coherence
Your arguments are well-organized, aiding in the logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
task response
You've accurately identified key causes and solutions related to the issue, demonstrating an understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • exacerbation
  • infrastructure stress
  • depopulation
  • economic stagnation
  • environmental degradation
  • breakdown of family units
  • traditional lifestyles
  • urban unemployment
  • underemployment
  • rural development programs
  • public transport
  • remote and flexible working
  • urban green spaces
  • community-based projects
What to do next:
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