IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

#countries #home #people #be #case #situation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Instead
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 of renting a place, owning a
property
Use synonyms
 is of paramount importance for people residing in certain countries. The reasons behind
this
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 phenomenon will be examined in
this
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 essay and I will elucidate my perspective in the subsequent paragraphs. One of the most apparent reasons for people to believe that
property
Use synonyms
 ownership is essential is because of a pragmatic problem — instability in house rents. In certain countries where regulations on the
property
Use synonyms
 market
is
Change the verb form
are
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 limited, residents often fall victim to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
insasiable
Correct your spelling
insatiable
 landlords who keep raising rents every year at an unreasonable rate.
For example
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, from a study that the Hong Kong government conducted, the average rental increment is around 25% in 2024. Considering the inflation rate is 4%
and
Correct word choice
apply
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most private companies do not even offer a salary increment
that is
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 higher than that. Housing rental is undoubtedly a significant burden on most general citizens.
This
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 drives individuals to consider investing in a
permenant
Correct your spelling
permanent
 home
instead
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 of having to constantly worry about the inflating rental cost.
On the other hand
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, part of
this
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 is
also
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due to
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 social conformity. Asian culture stresses
on
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apply
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the idea of family and owning a home signifies success.
This
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 idea
has
Verb problem
is
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 rooted deep in the subconscious mind of
majority
Add an article
the majority
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 of the citizens in Hong Kong.
Subsequently
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, it is generally considered a life goal of many to be a
property
Use synonyms
 owner.
This
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 concept is especially prevalent among the generation who are now between 40-60 years old. Many have been striving hard and making necessary sacrifices in life to save up for
down
Correct article usage
a down
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 payment and monthly mortgage
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
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. In my view, I am
conviced
Correct your spelling
convinced
 that
overly-stressing
Correct your spelling
overly stressing
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 on
property
Use synonyms
 ownership has a detrimental effect on
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
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wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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. The financial burden often
pose
Change the verb form
poses
show examples
 intense stress on house owners.
From
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In
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 the same study that the Hong Kong government conducted, it
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 reported that 60% of the respondents have to allocate one-third of their monthly income
on
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to
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mortgage
Add an article
a mortgage
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.
This
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 forces them to cut down on other living costs and be particularly cautious about spending. The huge financial burden
also
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restricted
Wrong verb form
restricts
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 them from taking breaks in between jobs when unexpected situations in life
comes
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come
show examples
 up,
such
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 as illness. Because of these, I do not agree that it is sustainable for everyone in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society to
over-panick
Correct your spelling
over-panic
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
property
Use synonyms
 investment.
Submitted by josefacheang on

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coherence cohesion
Provide more varied sentence structures and use linking words to enhance clarity between ideas within a paragraph.
task achievement
Ensure to address both parts of the question equally and provide a balanced discussion exploring both positive and negative aspects.
task achievement
Double-check for minor grammatical errors and typos, such as 'insasiable' instead of 'insatiable' and 'panick' instead of 'panic'.
coherence cohesion
The essay addresses the prompt with a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
task achievement
The use of a specific example from the Hong Kong government's study enhances the authenticity of the arguments presented.
task achievement
A clear distinction is made about societal norms and pressures in relation to property ownership, which enriches the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
What to do next:
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