IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

There are growing demand for fresh water nowadays and this becoming a global problem. What are the causes and solutions?

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The issue of fresh
water
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 is growing rapidly around the globe for the time being. From my perspective, the most contributing factors to
this
Linking Words
 problem are the pollution of
water
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along with
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 wasting clean
water
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 to fruitless things and banning throwing rubbish into the
water
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 sources
together with
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 saving pure
water
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 can be considered as viable solutions to it. Chief among the causes of
this
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 problem is contamination of H2O.
For instance
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, If individuals throw trash into lakes , they will not be able to drink soft
water
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.
Accordingly
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, people are throwing
a large amounts
Correct the article-noun agreement
large amounts
a large amount
show examples
of garbage into rivers, Which can be harmful to the environment. Another important reason for
this
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 is the usage of
water
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 for useless activities
such
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 as running the aqua for a long time. The prime example of
this
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, some youngsters just open the tap for no reason. In order to resolve
this
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 issue I deem that its root causes should be first addressed. Perhaps the most effective method of doing
this
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 would be, not allowing humans to throw the rubbish to banned areas. In
this
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 case, the government should give severe punishments to law offenders,
however
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this
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 shall ease the situation. One
further
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 measure can be preserving the
water
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. As an example, If people save
water
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 there will be enough
water
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 for every person. By way of conclusion, I reckon that fresh
water
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 is clearly a problem of
such
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 complexity that no solution is likely in the short term.
Nonetheless
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, I believe that restricting garbage to specific zones and the economy of uncontaminated
water
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 would constitute a very good first step.

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coherence cohesion
Try to maintain consistency in your use of terms related to water. Switching between 'H2O', 'soft water', 'aqua', and 'uncontaminated water' can be confusing. Consistent terminology enhances clarity.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the structure of your paragraphs. Aim for a clear introduction, body paragraphs with a single main idea supported by examples or details, and a concise conclusion.
task achievement
Expand on your examples with more detail to fully demonstrate your points. Specific examples help strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Avoid making sweeping statements without evidence. Strengthen your argument by providing concrete examples or citing studies where possible.
task achievement
You have addressed both the causes and solutions to the problem, which meets the task's requirements.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's overall organization is logical, with distinct segments dedicated to causes and solutions.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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