IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Should high school students be required to study many different subjects at the same time, or should they study only three or four subjects at a time? Do you agree or disagree?

#school #students #study #subjects #time #three #four
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Whether high
school
students
 should
study
 various kinds of
subjects
 or not seems to be controversial. There are
lots
 of people who think that
students
 should only pass a few
courses
. I disagree with
this
 statement. High
school
students
 should choose their
field
 of
study
 after high
school
. They should have a wide point of view on various issues. The first reason is that high
school
students
 should choose their
field
 of
study
 after high
school
. A high
school
student
 who wants to attend college should know briefly about vast amounts of science to select one category as his future
field
 of
study
. So, it is necessary for them to
study
lots
 of
subjects
 in order to define their
field
 of
interest
. A good example to support
this
 claim is my sister’s experience. When she was a high
school
student
 seven years ago, she imagined that she should be a doctor, and she passed a biology course, which made her hate
this
 kind of
study
. So, she tried to pass some
courses
 about mathematics and physics, and she found out that her
interest
 was in mechanics. So, she pursued her studies in the
field
 of mechanical engineering. So, it is necessary for
students
 to pass different
courses
 in order to find their
field
 of
interest
. The second reason is that
students
 should investigate the problems of their future
field
 of
study
 from various aspects. More specifically, when a
student
 confronts a problem in his
field
 of
study
 at college, he should consider
lots
 of issues. So, he should have a wide point of view on various issues.
For instance
, consider a
student
 who is studying art at college.
Such
 a
student
 should investigate the aesthetic of an artwork,
such
 as a painting. So, he needs to have knowledge
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 mathematics because he should compute the aspect ratio of each element in
this
 painting and compare it with the golden ratio. So, not only should he know about art
subjects
such
 as painting, history, and literature, but he should
also
 be familiar with mathematics and physics.  In conclusion, high
school
students
 should pass various kinds of
courses
.
This
 is because
students
 should be familiar with
lots
 of sciences to choose their
field
 of
interest
.
Also
,
students
 should be able to investigate a problem from various angles.  I recommend that different kinds of
subjects
 be available in the high
school
 schedule and curriculum, and
students
 should pass them one by one.
Submitted by mamashukuruvbobur31 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your response was quite comprehensive and addressed the prompt thoroughly. To improve, try to include a more balanced view by acknowledging the other side of the argument, even if it's just to refute it.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next. This enhances the essay's flow. Consider using more varied linking words and phrases.
language
Some of the wording could be adjusted for clarity. For example, instead of saying 'pass some courses,' you could say 'take some courses.' Focusing on precision in language will help in making your ideas clearer.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your main points, which made your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay had a strong introduction and conclusion, clearly outlining your main argument and summarizing the key points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay was well-organized, with each paragraph discussing a distinct point that supported your overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • broad knowledge base
  • general education
  • diverse skill sets
  • proficient
  • depth of understanding
  • discover interests and talents
  • future career choices
  • student burnout
  • mental health
  • academic performance
  • well-rounded individuals
  • adaptable
  • approach problems
  • diverse subject load
  • manage time effectively
  • deeper learning outcomes
What to do next:
Look at other essays: