IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many places of the world, more larger supermarkets are built while smaller local shops are closing down. Are there more advantages or disadvantages to local people?

In different cities around the world, massive
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 are built
while
Linking Words
 small local
shops
Use synonyms
 are facing extinction. There are some advantages of
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 like affordable groceries cost, creating new job opportunities and convenient shopping, But it
also
Linking Words
 comes with disadvantages like the local shop extinction, increase in plastic usage and traffic congestion. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both
perspective
Change to a plural noun
perspectives
show examples
. On the positive side, by eliminating middle
broker's
Change noun form
brokers
show examples
 or distributors,
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of the goods and products are greatly reduced.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the quality and authenticity of
product
Add an article
the product
a product
show examples
 are checked before selling.
For example
Linking Words
, buying groceries in
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 can reduce 5 to 10
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 in actual Minimum retail price compared to no discount in local
shops
Use synonyms
. Another benefit is,
it
Correct word choice
that it
show examples
 can create job opportunities
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 local people living in that area. On the negative side,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 can significantly reduce the
local
Correct quantifier usage
number of local
show examples
shops
Use synonyms
 which may even lead to extinction. Nowadays, most people are convenient in buying big
shops
Use synonyms
 rather than small
shops
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the availability and cheap products.
This
Linking Words
 in turn slowly eradicates local retail
shops
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Supermarkets
Use synonyms
 are using more plastics, which
also
Linking Words
 cause environmental pollution.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Recent
Correct article usage
a Recent
show examples
 study shows that nearly 70℅ of the local
shops
Use synonyms
 are closed after the arrival of
foreign owned
Add a hyphen
foreign-owned
show examples
supermarkets
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, even though there
some
Add a missing verb
are some
show examples
 disadvantages of
supermarkets
Use synonyms
, with proper regulations
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can greatly benefit local people. Increasing local job opportunities, convenient shopping and price reduction in products are some of the great advantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

clarity
Work on ensuring a clearer separation between your main points and supporting details to enhance clarity.
cohesion
Try to use varied and transitional phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs.
depth
While your essay addresses both sides, explaining potential regulations in the conclusion section could increase depth.
task response
Good grasp of the topic and addressing both advantages and disadvantages.
structure
Clear presence of introduction and conclusion for better structure.
examples
Use of a relevant specific example to support points regarding job opportunities and price reduction.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economies of scale
  • one-stop shopping
  • artisanal products
  • community impact
  • personalized service
  • economy boost
  • unique local products
  • price competition
  • local businesses
  • consumer benefits
What to do next:
Look at other essays: