In some cultures,children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvages of giving children this message?

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It is observed that both parents and teachers encourage their
children
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to work hard to achieve good results in life.
This
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essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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phenomenon. In my opinion,
while
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hard work has its benefits, the drawbacks outweigh them. The disadvantages of
this
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notion include increased stress and an overwhelming burden on
children
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. If
children
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pursue their passions without considering other factors, they may struggle to achieve their goals because they are often not mature enough to handle multiple aspects simultaneously.
As a result
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,
this
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can negatively affect their mental health.
Furthermore
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, kids may experience homesickness
due to
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not spending enough time with their families
while
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working hard for a better future.
For example
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, a recent survey conducted among university students in the UK found that 79
percent
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per cent
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of secondary school students reported feeling depressed
due to
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homesickness. Many only see their families once a year, leading to feelings of loneliness and ongoing stress.
Thus
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, it becomes clear that
while
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diligent work can enhance future prospects, spending time with family is equally important.
On the other hand
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, one main advantage of
this
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approach is the ability to compete in today's competitive world. Many students need to become independent to navigate the various challenges of their lives.
For instance
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, during an era of globalization,
children
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often live far from their home countries to obtain a good education, and in doing so, they learn to handle everything on their own.
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independence is crucial for building a successful future.
Consequently
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, it is true that
children
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often become more mature at a younger age. In conclusion,
this
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trend has both potential advantages and disadvantages.
While
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there are valid concerns regarding the negative impacts related to depression and homesickness, I believe the advantages are more significant.
This
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can foster independence and promote maturity at a young age.

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coherence cohesion
Expand on the introduction to better outline the key points you'll discuss in the essay, providing a clear roadmap for the reader.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate the points being made, particularly in the discussion of the advantages.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point related to the topic.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, which provides a comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported, though additional examples could further enhance your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • motivation
  • self-esteem
  • confidence
  • perseverance
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • anxiety
  • resilience
  • mental health
  • external factors
  • socio-economic conditions
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