IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

**Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure.** **What do you think are the causes of this?** **What solutions can you suggest?

#**some #students #work #results #time #education #pressure #**what
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It is argued that some
students
Use synonyms
 prefer working for a
job
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, whilst they are studying at
colleges
Fix the agreement mistake
college
show examples
.
Such
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trend
Correct article usage
a trend
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 causes
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mental problems
as well as
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 lack of a time. In my opinion, these issues are triggered by expensive tuition and
students
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' immediate
pursue
Replace the word
pursuit
show examples
 of
job
Use synonyms
 experience. The possible solutions may be
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 intervention and flexible scheduling provided by
college
Add an article
the college
show examples
.
High cost
Add a hyphen
High-cost
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 education often
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
students
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 to seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new ways of income. Indeed, some
students
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' families can not fully afford
paying
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to pay
show examples
 enormous
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of tuition for
colleges
Fix the agreement mistake
college
show examples
.
Students
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 who are trying to help their parents are
impelled
Verb problem
compelled
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 to combine work with studying.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many
students
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 want to get
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 top of their career path as soon as possible, so
they
Add a verb
they are
they were
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 eager
commence
Fix the infinitive
to commence
show examples
this
Linking Words
 journey even in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college.
As a result
Linking Words
, they might become
top
Add an article
a top
show examples
 manager in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 big company
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their 30s. The possible way of tackling
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this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
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 may be government intervention, as they can lower the prices or provide more financial aid for
students
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.
Thus
Linking Words
,
students
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 might get full focus on their studies rather than getting apprehensive about finances, and
this
Linking Words
 will possibly contribute to them
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 more qualified in the future.
Additionally
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, with flexible scheduling, universities
also
Linking Words
 can aid their
students
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. They might set up convenient
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 for their subjects, so
students
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 can handle both study and work. Only two days
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a week,
for instance
Linking Words
, they must study at universities, and,
accordingly
Linking Words
, on the remaining 5 days they may do their
job
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. In conclusion,
students
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' desire to
immediatly
Correct your spelling
immediately
 start
career
Add an article
a career
show examples
 and
pricey
Correct article usage
the pricey
show examples
 cost of an education can push them into working for a
job
Use synonyms
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can be easily resolved with
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 and universities'
right
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
efforts.
Submitted by Magzhan on

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coherence cohesion
Try to enhance your paragraphing by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single idea. This helps build a clear logical progression of ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas and make your points more comprehensive by elaborating further on how government intervention could practically be implemented.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and serve their purposes well, effectively framing your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively, presenting both causes and solutions to the issue.
coherence cohesion
The transition between the introduction, body, and conclusion is smooth, ensuring that your essay flows logically from one point to the next.
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