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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, some people are changing their way of look through hair colour, cosmetics and even plastic surgery. What are the reasons? Is it a good thing?

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The public society chooses to have a different style of their
appearances
Fix the agreement mistake
appearance
show examples
, including waxing of hair, wearing make-up, and surgeries. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will tackle my thoughts and opinions about it. People intend to change their style because society will accept them if they upgrade themselves.
First,
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having a good sense of style,
good
Correct article usage
a good
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face
Use synonyms
, and clothes can make someone
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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your friend.
Thus
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, having a charismatic
face
Use synonyms
 figure will give you a lot of opportunities in life.
For instance
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, people with good-looking styles can easily get into a job compared to people who are not presentable.
Also
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, having pretty faces gives you the self-confidence that you need to
face
Use synonyms
 the daily reality of life. Opportunity will come to you easily if you look nice, and you will have pretty privileges in everything.
However
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, there is the downside of pushing oneself to be someone who is not and trying to use a lot of change in their physical body can cause anxiety.
For example
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, enhancing the
face
Use synonyms
 and body through multiple surgeries can have a huge side effect on our health.
Therefore
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, there are a lot of toxic chemicals that they inject, and in the future, they can have a bad result.
To conclude
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, there is nothing wrong if someone wants to change their appearance, but we need to remember that being accepted by others does not always rely on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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physical figures. Sometimes, being yourself, being kind, and having sympathy can make you the most beautiful person in the world.

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task achievement
Aim to further develop your arguments with detailed explanations and broader examples to enhance your task response.
task achievement
Ensure all points are well-supported with evidence or examples, aiding the reader in fully grasping your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on integrating examples seamlessly to make connections between points clearer and more coherent.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional words and phrases more effectively to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
The ideas presented are relevant to the task and focus clearly on the reasons and implications of changing one's appearance.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cosmetic surgery
  • self-esteem
  • body image
  • societal norms
  • beauty standards
  • self-expression
  • cultural practices
  • aging
  • reconstructive surgery
  • youthfulness
  • identity
  • confidence booster
  • personal style
What to do next:
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